Friday Five

Easy questions this week from Friday Five.

1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
My alarm clock goes off at 6:15am but usually I put it on snooze for another 15 minutes so I’m usually only up at 6:30am.

2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
On weekends that I don’t have to do any banking, I would try to sleep in and catch up on my sleep which is usually until at least 10am. On bank weekends (2nd & 4th weekend of the month), I usually have to get up by 8am to make sure that I get to the bank before it gets too busy. I’ll get a past due notice on my CC bill if I miss those weekends.

3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Turn off my alarm clock which is set so loud that it could wake up the dead! After that I usually turn on my CD player and play whichever CD I left in the night before to get into the mood to face a new day. At the moment, I keep Gareth Gates’s debut CD ‘What My Heart Wants to Say” in the CD player. I just love waking up to his version of “Unchained Melody”

4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
It takes me an hour to get ready for a new day and I don’t even need to wear any make-up! I know some friends who are ready in like 5 minutes but I take 5 minutes just to get started. I don’t know if any other guys take as much time as me to get ready but you can almost set a clock on how long it takes me to prepare in the morning.

5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?
Breakfast??? I think that the last time I actually sat down for a proper breakfast on weekdays was when I was in secondary school 13 years ago! I usually would only have time to grab a few energy bars or some toast before walking to my office which is about 30 minutes away from where I live. I don’t drive to work because traffic is a murder.

The only times that I get the chance to actually have breakfast would be on the weekends that I don’t sleep in. Most often than not, I would go to a nearby food stall which sells my favorite breakfast “Nasi Lemak” (Coconut Rice). The one they have there is simply to die for and portions are huge for such a cheap price of about RM3 (USD 80 cents) with all the trimmings.

DVD Recaplet

A few random thoughts about a few upcoming DVD releases now available for pre-ordering at Amazon.com

Matrix Reloaded
I actually missed the first 10 minutes of this movie the day that I bought tickets to see it at my local cinema. Somehow I didn’t realize that my watch was running 10 minutes late and knew about it when I went in to find the movie had already started. Of course by that time, I couldn’t find my favorite seat and had to settle with another. As a whole the movie was a disappointment compared to the first one but then again I didn’t get to see the whole movie. I might consider revising my views once I get to see the film on DVD.

Star Trek V: Final Frontier
Universally panned as the worst ST feature film, this is the only ST feature that I have never seen in my life. As a card-carrying Trekkie, I’ve made it my quest to watch it someday and it seems that I would finally get my wish. I actually like the 2-disk Special Editions that they have been putting out for these classic ST movies so getting this next one is actually a non-brainer regardless of the reputation this film has.

Tick: The Entire Series
I didn’t get to watch this show while I was in the States and wasn’t even aware that they had cancelled it. I only manage to catch a few episodes when they had it on one of our local TV stations but didn’t really follow the series due to the ungodly hour it was on. What little I did get to see, I totally liked. No one had to twist my arm to want to add this DVD set to my collection.

Dawson’s Creek: Series Finale
Definitely a hot item to get for this year! After reading the recaps and forum responses on TWOP about this 2 part finale, I knew I had to have it. To sweeten the deal, it seems that this release will actually have the extended cut of the finale with scenes that were never shown during the original broadcast. Not that I needed any more excuse to get it other than to watch Joshua Jackson in action.

Smallville: The Complete First Season
I’m actually a big fan of this series and have been watching it week after week on TV3. I’ve only missed a few episodes from the first season but that’s enough reason for me to get the complete set. Of course, trying to spot HoYaY moments between Clark and Lex would be an added bonus now that I have full control of the remote.

The Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers (Platinum Series Extended Edition)
I initially bought the first installment of TLOR Extended Edition because I wanted to see the extra scenes integrated into the movie. With the seamless integration of the extra scenes and magnificent hours of extras, I immediately knew that I wouldn’t want anything else than extended edition DVDs for the rest of the trilogy. I have to say that this release format is the best value for money that you can get in the DVD market today.

The Adventures of Indiana Jones Box Set
One of the most requested DVDs among fans, the Indiana Jones movies have been a long time in coming. I can’t really imagine why George Lucas is so reluctant to move to DVDs. Technically, DVDs would be superior to the VHS and Laserdisc releases that we had before and yet fans of his movies had to wait for ages for his movies on DVD. I don’t really know if the Indy set will be release on individual disks but I’m actually looking forward to the extras on this box set that I don’t mind getting it.

Will & Grace - Season One
One thing I like about buying DVDs is that I could get box sets of series that would never see the light of day on local TV. If it were not for Amazon.com, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy both versions (UK and US) of “Queer as Folk”. Of course there is the possibility that customs would confiscate my copies as they come in from the States but I’m lucky that I only had that happen once to me. I really hope that my copy of “Will & Grace” will come in safely as I’ve heard a lot about it and am really looking forward to see what the fuss is all about.

I won’t promise anything but I may review these DVDs for my online diary entries when I get them. Until then, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for their safe arrival.

The Silent Objector

I’ve never considered myself as an activist whether it is for social, political or any other causes. I’m too entrenched in my “live and let live” attitude towards issues that surround our fair country today. Activism, by my limited definition, is more the agenda of the upper middle class groups in our society who may have the opportuinity to devote their resources to the pursuit of their passions. It is actually hard for me to be passionate about issues that do not directly impact me when it is hard enough to try to go on with day to day activities. Some may consider me apathetic as a result of my views but I just don’t see myself having the luxury to devote time and resources to change the world one person at a time.

Recent reports in the print and electronic media on gays in Malaysia have given me pause to reconsider my views on social activism. The unbalanced reporting has given cause for many to feel that we have been unfairly singled out and condemned in the broadest terms without proper representations of our views. Some of the mailing lists that I am a member of have been buzzing for weeks about putting our views out to the public to counter these one-sided depictions of the Malaysian GLBT community. Some, more than others, actually have action plans set up to let our voices heard in a public forum which while should be commendable would need the support of those, like me, who would rather be out of the spotlight and run into the deep recesses of our closets.

I believe that with this particular issue, fear of being outed in public plays a major role in my reluctance to throw my support behind their plans. I’ve often told myself that the only way I would be comfortable to come out of the closet is only when I can find the support network that I would need to help deal with the repercussion of my choice. Since that support network is non-existent for me to fall back to, I have to be content in staying in the darkness. Being the only choice that I have at the moment, it wouldn’t really make sense for me to “rock the boat” and risk the exposure of attention. And yet, I feel that I would be perpetuating the lies that I’ve been telling myself by not voicing out publicly my concerns about the unfair depiction of gays in Malaysia.

As a society, Malaysians are open and tolerant of new ideas as long as they do not run counter to religion and deep-seated core values. Since many see homosexuals as the antithesis of those values, the GLBT community here may never be accepted as anything more than a deviant aberration of nature. To get up in arms and call for recognition would be tantamount to walking around with a neon sign on our heads for all to see when all this time we have been trying so hard to hide who we are. So is it really necessary? I have to acknowledge that in an ideal world recognition and representation is very necessary but unfortunately we are not living in that ideal situation. The way I see it, I would be willing to lend my voice to the cause but would never be able to contribute anything more of substance.

Are we actually ready to have our own “Stonewall” in Malaysia? I have to truthfully say that I am not ready to answer that call.

Weekend With The Parental Units

As far as weekends goes, last weekend was a slow one. Spent most of it at my parent’s house since I had to cancel on them last weekend. I did take my parents out for lunch on Sunday in part because I also wanted to look at some furniture concepts for my new apartment. Of course I got an earful of advice from both of them about the apartment. While both of them were supportive of my decision to get an apartment, they are still asking if I intend to live alone for long. In a roundabout way, they are in fact trying to find out if I had found anyone that I’m thinking of bringing home to meet the parents! Same old story.

One thing I noticed when I was at my parents’ house was the number of Korean serial VCD sets they had at home. It seems that my mum has been following more than a few serials lately and has been collecting them like I collect comics. Personally I don’t really get the recent obsession of Malaysians with Korean dramas. I guess that the stories are quite good for what little I’ve seen and the actors are quite pleasing to the eyes if that sort of thing is what you’re into but I can never follow the sappy melodrama episode after episode. Maybe I’m too entrenched in American TV culture that I have little patience for Korean, Japanese or Chinese serials.

I guess others are thinking the same things when they are trying to figure out my obsession with Star Trek, reality shows and WB teen-dramas!

Friday Five

Decided to post today's entry earlier than usual since I may not have enough time to do it after work today. I'm planning to spend the weekend at my Mum's house so I'll be leaving right after work. Anyway .... the following is this week's Friday Five.

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?
Heh... tough one. I guess it could be "Dinner, Party of One" in reference to the fact that I always seem to eat alone and always trying to find the one to have meals with.

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?
I would say something like the soundtrack from "Sleepless in Seattle" with wacky love songs. Definitely it needs at least one torch song ... maybe one from Ella Fitzgerald or Judy Garland. Or the soundtrack could be selected entirely from British boy-bands :)

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
Definitely live-action. My life is embarrassing enough without having cutesy animals playing the characters.

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
In a perfect world, I like the thought of Richard Ruccolo playing. Mom and Dad ... most probably be the parents from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". For the part of the unattainable guy that the main character is lusting after ... maybe someone like Dean Cain? Of course, my life story must have a fag hag that I never had in real life ... someone stunning like Julia Roberts?

5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.
Light drama-comedy film that revolves around the search for true love. The problem is the main character is gay but not ready to come out of the closet yet. To make things worse, the main character always seem to fall for straight guys that he thinks that he would never find the one. With his parents pressuring him to get married, our main character decides to get his favorite fag hag to pretend to want to marry him to get the pressure off. The deception goes smoothly until an attractive stranger comes into their lives. Both characters are attracted to this newcomer and wacky situations ensues as both try to get in bed with him. With the newcomer seem to be responding to both people, who will be the lucky one to get the prize?

It sounds like an episode from "Will and Grace" doesn't it?

Deconstructing Writer's Block

I’m trying hard to think about what I am to write about tonight but all that I came up with is a blank page. So instead of consciously thinking of a particular subject for tonight’s online diary, I guess that I just write about this writer’s block that I’m currently experiencing. At least it would be better than just a random collection of words.

Why do people draw a blank when they don’t have anything to write about? Is it because their life is dull and uninteresting that they do not have any experiences to draw from? If that is so, is it only those who have led remarkable lives who would make good writers? I don’t really know that many writers so I don’t really have much to compare with. I realize that I am actually less well read than I would like to think of myself. However, I think it would be logical to assume that not all writers live exciting and thrilling lives. There would sure be some great writers who actually live a quite unassuming life and yet managed to produce great works. With that assumption, where do their stories come from?

Maybe it comes from their imaginations. That place where they go to escape the dreary daily routine that had become mind numbing. But then how long with one’s imagination lasts when it is slowly chipped away by the monotony of life? Is imagination like a bottomless pool that ripples outward every time a pebble of idea falls into it? Or is it more like a limited oil reservoir that becomes worthless when it is all tapped out? I like to think of it as being an unending pool that occasionally will become still when no winds blows across the surface. It is calm but yet still holds a promise of waves and ripples when the right moment comes. Waves and ripples that would resolve into sparkling wit and brilliant insights.

There are no winds blowing tonight. This pool is calm for now.

Totally Nothing Happened Today

Today was one of those days where nothing even remotely interesting happened. I’ve been attending process orientation training for the past 2 days that would have been more interesting if the presenter didn’t have a voice that would even put dead people asleep. Of course in better days, this training would have been conducted in Singapore instead of being done through a phone conference. At least then, I could get some sight-seeing time in between trainings. I kinda missed those good old days. Anyway … today was actually a welcomed respite since it seems that I have a packed day tomorrow. Somehow I managed to schedule myself to 3 different meetings back to back. I should take more care before I accept meeting appointments in the future!

In between the training breaks I managed to logon to the TWOP Dawson’s Creek forum and noticed that they have posted news about the upcoming series finale DVD. It seems that it would be available sometime later this year and would also have some of the scenes that were cut out before included. This is actually good news since I am really looking forward for that release. I was afraid that I had to wait until they release the final season set on DVD before I could see it. Hopefully I would be able to fit it into my budget for DVDs this year which will be hard since there are a lot of new DVDs that I’ve already preordered. I guess that something has to go but which will it be?

I’ve also finally figured out how to reduce the font size on my blogspot website. Hehh … that took awhile but it was worth the effort. My blogspot site looks better with blog entries in smaller fonts. I think that I’ll keep it as it is for awhile before I think about changing it again.

Irresponsible Reporting

Tuesday, July 22, 2003
It seems that the laugh fest never ends.

I managed to catch the segment highlighting STD among gays that was shown during the main news bulletin on TV3 today. At first I noticed how clinical they made it out in the beginning. The funny thing was they were referring to the STD cases as though they are an exclusive gay phenomenon. It quickly became laughable when the report began to link it to the prevalence of gays in the community as if straight people never get syphilis or VD or HIV. If what they say is true that 10% of all societies are practicing homosexuals, who would then have a bigger percentage in the numbers that they bandied about when referring to STDs. Gay people don’t get STDs just by being gay. Stupid gay people who don’t practice safe sex get STDs and they are as likely as stupid straight people to get it. To infer that gay people are more prone to get STDs due to their promiscuous lifestyle is just generalization and irresponsible reporting to say the least.

What was even more hilarious was that they even said that the first AIDS patient in Malaysia was a homosexual person. What about the rest? I can truthfully say that the majority of confirmed AIDS and HIV positive patients in Malaysia are intravenous drug users and exclusively heterosexual people who did not practice safe sex. This is evident from the statistics gathered by the Ministry of Health and yet the report suggests that gays are the root of the AIDS problem in Malaysia! As I have voiced out in my previous entry, it seems that gays are the new “scapegoat” of the month. A new group to be picked on while the interest is still there to divert attention from more pressing issues.

Once done with the clinical aspects of STDs among gays, the new segment continued with so called expert opinion on how to avoid turning into a homosexual. I just had to laugh out loud at the ridiculous notion that one could stay true on the path of straighthood by concentrating on their studies and work. Kinda of reminded me of that movie “Jeffrey” where the main character tried to avoid having sex but concentrating on his work but we know how that ended up. It was hard trying to stomach the malarkey that they were spewing out on TV while I was trying to push down the bile that was rising up my throat.

I guess I should be thankful that they didn’t trot out some religious figure to serve up a dish of cold hard guilt or I would have surely lost my dinner right there and then. I guess that to some the idea of “live and let live” doesn’t mean a thing.

On The Subject of Effeminate Males

I had planned to watch “Paloh” over the weekend since I’ve heard a lot about this local film production through the local media and word of mouth. Unfortunately, when I woke up last Saturday I found myself in a fair amount of pain in my left ankle. It felt like I had sprained it but I could not remember how I would have done so. I had to wear an ankle brace for the whole weekend and until today I don’t really know how I would have sprained my ankle. I’ve never had this experience before so it is kind of unnerving. Anyway … the pain subsided by Monday and I was able to go to work ok. Still, I have some questions on how I could have sprained my ankle and not remember about it.

Another unsettling thing happened over the weekend. There have been more than a few reports in the printed media on the issue of effeminate males in our local universities. More than a few misguided individuals have suggested that there is a need for them to “butch” themselves up for the good of the country. Some have also suggested that the prevalence of effeminate males in universities will lead to an explosion of gay culture and the destruction of the institution of marriage no less. In their opinion, these groups will influence others who enter those universities to be like them though peer pressure and in the long term will contribute to the current moral decline in the country.

For starters, I find everything that have been written about this as pure bigoted bulls*it. It is easier to put a target on a group of people like the “fairies” in the local community than it is to solve other more important problems. As for effeminate men leading an explosion of gay culture in Malaysia, I think that they are a few years bit too late. For what I can personally attest to, not all effeminate males are gay and the opposite also holds true. I would imagine that if only the effeminate males are gays, I would surely have a big problem since I’m not attracted to them in the slightest bit. To be honest, drag queens actually scare the heck out of me.

As for these groups exerting peer pressure to other to become more like them, I find the idea ridiculous especially based on my own experiences when I was in secondary school and after that college. For one, they usually travel in highly exclusive cliques that hardly ever let anyone in unless they are similarly inclined. They don’t go around campus trying to covert anyone into their cause as suggested by these biased articles. If there is a higher visibility of this group of people in the local universities it must be because there are more of them coming out in the open. If so, one must wonder what happened to the so-called “butch” students after secondary school. Or is it just because the effeminate groups are now more visible with their successes that some people feel threatened by them.

Whatever the reason for the recent spotlight on effeminate males in the news lately, I still believe that it is just pure sensational reporting and a scapegoat hunt to deflect the people from other more pressing issue. I’m sure that this may escalate for awhile until people start losing interest and it becomes part of yesterday’s news. I just hope that until that happens, cooler heads will prevail.

Friday Five

It has been a pretty hectic week at work. My boss just assigned me to a new project that would entail some traveling sometime in September. I still have to get more information about this project but the prospect of being able to finally get to travel on company expense is really something to look forward to. Of course it is only to Penang and Singapore but still it means that I could make some extra cash on my travel allowances. The last time that I traveled on company business, I managed to make close to $3K which was quite a substantial sum. I don’t really hope to make that much the next time around since it would only be a local travel allowance but any little bit helps.

Anyway … I found this on Jase’s website and thought that it is interesting. At least it saves me the effort of having to think of something insightful to put into my Friday entries. The following is my answers to this week’s Friday Five:

1. When was the last time you cheated?
Truthfully I don’t remember when the last time I cheated on something. I guess that I could say that I cheated at my last income tax return form by under reporting my income and over deducting some expenses. I don’t know if you would consider it more as lying than cheating.

2. When was the last time you stole?
This one is easier. The last time I stole anything of any consequence was when I was 10 years old. I had stolen some money out of my mother’s purse to buy something that I can’t remember. My mother caught me on it, dragged me to the kitchen and put a meat cleaver on my arm while threatening to chop my hands of for stealing (it’s a Malaysian thing … don’t ask)! That really put the fear of God in me and I’m proud to say that I never stole anything after that. The thought of stealing something just gives me some really wiggy flashbacks.

3. When was the last time you lied?
I would say that this would be last weekend when I was hanging out with S at his place. I was giving him some bulls*it lie about the type of girl that I would like to be with while all the while it was him I was thinking of. It’s just came out like second nature and I felt really rotten about not being able to tell the truth of how I feel about him every time we meet.

4. When was the last time you broke or vandalized another's property?
I might have purposely broken some of my sister’s toys as a kid but I have to say that I have never consciously vandalized any one’s property to my recollection. If I did break anything, it would have been accidental instead of intentional. I actually despise people who intentionally vandalize public property.

5. When was the last time you hurt a loved one?
I think I would have to say just now before I sat down to type out this entry. I just called my Mum to tell her that I would not be going back to her place this weekend. I could tell from her voice that she was a bit disappointed as she must have been looking forward to see me this week. I’m feeling more than a little guilty while I’m writing this. I better make it up to her next weekend when I see her.

My Relationship With Tabacco

I have a sinking sensation that they stopped making my brand of cigarettes lately. I had the most difficult time of trying to get a pack these past few days. Every shop that I went seems to stop carrying it which is a bit strange since it is one of the more popular brands. I guess that this is one will be one more reason for me to finally stop smoking.

I started smoking at the age of 10 years old. At the time I would steal the occasional cigarette from my father’s stash and smoke somewhere far away from the house. My father would never notice that this because he kept a lot of cigarettes in the house. Other than the occasional puff, I didn’t really get into the habit until years later in secondary school. At the age of 15, I started to buy my own cigarettes out of my lunch money. Of course, going to a school that was an hour away from my house gave me a lot of opportunities to light up without anyone in my family knowing about it. Thanks to my reputation of being a straight-lace student and being the “dependable one”, I managed to fool quite a few people about my smoking habit. No one who knew me back then would ever thought that behind the nice boy façade, I was fast becoming a nicotine freak.

Things didn’t change once I got accepted into boarding school. I could always find ways to beat school rules to sneak the occasional fag. Of course, I seldom risk smoking on school grounds unlike some of my peers so I avoided the possibility of being caught red handed in school. At the time, I would only smoke when we were allowed to leave school grounds on our weekend outing. Even then, it would be at truly out of the way places that I was pretty sure that none of the students or faculty went to. There were some close calls that happened in the two years I was there but basically almost nobody knew that I smoked during my time there. Most of my mates were very quite shocked to see me smoking during the final exams week when everyone else was also doing the same thing.

Once I left school and started working at my first part-time job, I decided to tell my family about my smoking habit. My father was of course a bit disappointed with me but he didn’t really say much since he had set the earlier example himself. My mum, however, absolutely went through the roof when I told her. She even brought back pictures of lunch cancer victims she got from the hospital she worked to scare me into quitting. After awhile she gradually accepted the fact that I smoked and that it would be my own decision to decide to quit. She still occasionally throws dirty looks at me when she sees me light up though.

Looking back, I actually regretted taking up the habit so young. It is hard for me to quit smoking now. I don’t really know if I’m becoming addicted to nicotine or just the habit of lighting up a fag. I’ve tried to quit twice before but it never took. The last time I tried, it lasted for about 3 months and during that time I gained over 20 kilos in weight. I kept getting cravings the whole time I was trying not to smoke. I became really depressed at that time and decided that it was not worth it. It took me close to 7 years to lose all that weight!

I am now faced with the possibility of having to go through that experience all over again soon if they stop selling my cigarette brand. Hopefully I would be able to learn from my past mistakes and finally be successful in kicking the habit.

Officially A Housebuyer

The final set of bank documents were delivered to me yesterday and I am officially a homeowner today.

Owning my own home was something that I had been thinking of for quite some time and it was not until I turned 30 that I really did anything about it. I guess the thought of not being able to get a home loan for the maximum amount of years was one of the reasons why I decided to buy a house this year. Most of my friends also encouraged to do so as it seems that the property market is currently experiencing a slump and some pretty good deals are out there. So after thinking long and hard about it, I decided to bite the bullet and start the journey of home buying.

The first thing that I had to think about is what kind of residence that I would like to procure. Initially I was looking for a double-storey link house since I’ve been living in one apartment after another for the past 12 years. I was actually sick of apartment living and yearn to have a yard to call my own. Of course, once I started looking at the prices of link houses, that quickly had to change. The houses that I looked at were either too expensive for me or too far from where I worked. I must have looked at least at 15 different places before I decided to revise my choice to buying an apartment. I’ve always been a finicky buyer.

Buying apartments in KL is actually easier than getting a house. I guess that this is unavoidable since there are more people coming into KL and land space is becoming more expensive. I just hope that we don’t become like Singapore or Hong Kong someday where apartments are cramped and expensive. For the time being, apartment buyers in KLM need only to look at their budget and match it to the offerings out there. For most, to find a good financial fit wouldn’t be too difficult as there is a broad range of apartment choices that cater for most of the income groups. After looking at least at 8 more apartment sites, I decided to take a service condominium in Sunway.

Frankly speaking, I don’t really know the difference between a service and non-service condominium. From the brochures it seems that the facilities are the same as any normal condominium complexes that I’ve seen. Anyway … the price was right and the location was hard to resist being so close to other more developed facilities. I’m thinking that even if I decide not to live there, this was a piece of property that would appreciate in value quite fast once completed. Once that was decided the process of the sales and purchase agreements, EPF withdrawal for down payment, lawyers and applying of bank loan was relatively painless. Although it took some time between each process, I was actually surprised at how smooth the process went all the way to the final documents that I got yesterday.

Now I just have to wait for my apartment to be completed by Aug 2006.

What Would You Do With A Million Dollars?

What would you do if you were given one million dollars?

I guess that after I use that money to repay all my debts and setup a nice little nest egg for retirement, I would use it to go on a travel around the world. Not just to the major tourist destinations but to at least one country in all the major landmass on Earth. I’ve always dreamt of doing this. As a child, Geography was my favorite subject in school because I got to learn about all that faraway places. I used to be able to name all the capitals cities of all countries on the map at one time. I remember having a map of the world on my bedroom wall with little post-it notes stuck on them with details of what I wanted to do if I ever went there. I loved that map a lot and was devastated when I lost it the last time we moved house.

I dream of standing in the rolling green of Ireland on a bright windy day. I would like to go hiking on a trail that leads up to the ruins of an ancient Aztec temple in Mexico. I would like to walk the length of the Great Wall of China and see the Victoria Falls in Africa. Watch the ancient turtles on Galapagos Island and ride the horses in the Pampas of Argentina. Experience the excitement of Halloween in Louisiana and the tranquility of a traditional tea ceremony in Japan. Taste exotic food in India and learn how to cook authentic French cuisine. Walk into the Coliseum in Rome and go to a all-day rave in Ibiza. These are just among the things that I would do if I ever get the chance to go there.

As I grew older, I never lost that sense of wanderlust. I guess that it is partly because I’ve never been comfortable being in one place for extended periods of time. Maybe it is also because I have a feeling that there is something wonderful for me to discover just beyond the end of the street that I live in. To date, I’ve only traveled to most of the states in Malaysia, Hong Kong on business and the US for my studies. It maybe quite a lot of traveling done if compared to someone who has never traveled before but for me it just whets my appetite for more. Nevertheless, the chances of me getting a million dollars are about as good as hell freezing over so all this may just be a pipe dream. Regardless, I still hold on the hope that I may well be able to travel the globe one day. I may never be able to do it but at least I dare to dream it.

Say No To Spam !

I had a really interesting request from a user this morning. It seems that his email account has been flooded with spam about penis enlargement pill ads and he wanted to know how to block them. After showing him how to block spam from coming into his email account, he thanked me profusely and told me that it was embarrassing for him to get these types of email in the office. He then proceeded to tell me, right to my face, that he definitely did not need any penis enlargement pills and winked at me. Needless to say, I was absolutely floored by that extra tidbit. Was this a pickup line? I wouldn’t even know one unless it came dressed in a pink tutu with flying elephants circling around it. I wasn’t even sure whether I should feel flattered or scared at the insinuation. I actually turned my head around to see if he was talking to someone else but it turns out that I was the only one there. Blushing to the tips of my ears, I quickly beat feet out of there before I embarrass myself more.

The point to this anecdote is that spam is so prevalent today that there is no escaping them. On a normal day, I get at least 60 emails in my home email account and out of that 90% are useless spam. The types of spam range from email from people in Africa who wants to give you money to cheap herbal Viagra and sexual performance drugs to free porn. The worse of the lot has to be spam for incest sites that really use very graphic language to describe sexual acts between family members. I find even the thought of it disgusting and I can’t image anyone who would find any of this stuff interesting. The subject of incest sex really wigs me out in so many levels that I really think that anyone who is into this subject really need to seek professional help. It’s right up there with people who are into kiddie porn and scat/golden showers in terms of things that turn me off.

No matter what I do, spam still comes into my home inbox everyday. Good thing that I have a spam blocker in my office email system so I get to be spam free there. It is up to the point that I’m considering of terminating my current home email account and applying for a new one. The downside to this is that I wouldn’t have my current email address anymore and have to tell all my friends about the change. I guess that I could invest in one of those home anti-spam software that I see advertised in Yahoo but I still need to do some research on them before I decide which software would be the best for me. Until then, I just need to continue to delete useless junk from my inbox the old fashion way.

Horrible Photo and Misc DVDs

I went to pickup the photos that I took yesterday for the new staff badges after work today. Frankly speaking, I was actually dreading it the whole day. I despise taking photographs because I never like how I look in them. They say that the camera adds ten pounds to your face. In my case, they always seem to add twenty instead. I hate taking photos of myself so much that I developed a habit of ducking out of the way every time someone walks into a room with a camera. Of course, there are some occasions that I can’t escape the evil eye of the camera lens no matter how hard I try. Getting photos made out for official purposes is one of them. I hate seeing how bad I’m aging through the years. I used to have a single chin when I was younger. Heck … my Adam’s apple was visible before but now you’ll be hard pressed to find it in this photo. I have to admit, looking at this photo doesn’t help me with my self-esteem issues. But at least it is better than the last ones I took. I totally looked like Shrek in that one.

Work is moving along in a steady pace. I get to dabble more into computer security that I did before so that is interesting. I’m thinking of even asking my boss if I can try that full time instead of what I’ve been doing for the past 7 years. Regardless, I still get to find time to browse the Net at the office. The one site that I go to most often is Amazon.com. I practically check them out everyday for updates of future DVD releases. Anyway … it seems that my CC will really get a workout come September. A lot of DVD box sets that I look forward to seem to be scheduled to be released by that month. One thing good about Amazon is that if you put in a pre order for these future releases, you get at least a 25% discount of the retail price. That discount actually offsets my shipping cost so I actually get the DVDs cheaper than if I were to get them in a local store. With DVD box sets, this savings are even more and plus they are really hard to get locally. Of course if you can get them at all … I don’t think that I would be able to get “Will and Grace” or “Queer as Folk” box sets locally.

One of the most anticipated sets will also be available during that same time period. A lot of people have been patiently been waiting for the “Indiana Jones” movies to go on DVD. In fact I read some where that it is the 2nd most requested movies for DVD after the original Star Wars trilogy. Well … it seems that all the fans prayers has been answered and then some. Instead of releasing Indy on individual DVDs, all the Indiana Jones movies will be packaged and sold as a 4-DVD collector’s set sometime later this year. I think that the price is quite reasonable for such an esteemed and anticipated collection. Of course this means I just need to save up a little more to add it into my collection.

Of course, there will also be the “Battlestar Galactica” and "Smallville" sets that will be released in later of this year. That would surely put a dent in my finances this year. Too bad I can get a tax deduction for them.

CD Review: "What My Heart Wants To Say" by Gareth Gates

Man ... I had the most difficult time getting online with my ISP tonight. Anyway ... the following was suppose to be Monday's entry.

Monday, Jul 07, 2003
I’ve missed one entry to my online-diary last Friday.

Came back from work and decided to take a short nap before supper like I usually do. It turned out, last Friday, I dozed off longer that I wanted and when I did wake up, “Charmed” was already on TV. Like any good gay boy, I had to choose the power of three over my daily web entry. By the time I was done watching TV, midnight had rolled along and I’ve missed my deadline. I’ve got to be more disciplined about my entries next time.

Last weekend, I went down to the local music store and bought the soundtrack of “Ada Apa Dengan Cinta” like I planned and also a copy of Gareth Gates CD “What My Heart Wants To Say”. Gareth’s music video for his 2nd single “Anyone of Us (Stupid Mistake)” has been getting some airtime on the local TV and it was on one such occasion that I happened to catch that song. For the moment I heard the song, I was instantly smitten with it. It had a certain catchiness that stuck to my mind long after I heard it. It didn’t hurt that Gareth is also a total cutie in the looks department. He reminds me of a younger Scott Neal who is one of my favorite Brit TV actors.

From the soulful rendition of “Unchained Melody”, Gareth Gates proves that this young man has talent to spare. Discovered in the Brit “Pop Idols” TV series, this young lad went all the way to the finals only to be defeated by Will Young in a hotly contested match up. Gareth’s “What My Heart Wants To Say” CD has a range of fast to slow tempo songs. I have to say that Gareth excels in his mid tempo ballads like the title track, “Too Serious, Too Soon” and “With You All The Time” where he lets his velvety smooth voice stretch out and touch the listener. My favorite song from the CD has to be “Anyone of Us (Stupid Mistake)”. It hooks the listener in with a very catchy tune that really stays with you especially the chorus. Some songs were written by the same team that wrote songs for the last Westlife album so there is a definite boyband vibe to the CD. Since I’m already a fan of boybands, this didn’t really bothered my at all. Overall, this CD was a good buy and a very enjoyable listen.

Speaking of enjoyable things, I came across the most delicious bit of gossip while trawling about in the TWOP Dawson’s Creek forum. It seems that two of the main actors were reported as not being entirely straight. The consensus seems to be that they might even be bi if not totally gay. Of course all these gossips have to be taken with a big grain of salt but I couldn’t help myself when I read about it. The thought of the 2 of them going for some hot MM action just gives me the vapors (hehee). I have to be truthful that I am more than a little smitten JJ’s roguish charms.

Bean Counters

My boss can be a royal idiot sometimes. He tends to jump into things head first disregarding the advice of those under his supervision. Sometimes it just takes all the patience that I can muster to not inflict bodily harm to him when he pulls a stunt like that. It is very difficult for us to support him if he goes half-cocked without really seeing the big picture that we are trying to tell him. I would think that after 20 years of experience, he would at least know better before making a complete fool of himself and his direct report staff. Today’s staff meeting was one of many examples of the extent of his stellar idiocy. Most of the staff in that meeting was struck dumb at what we were hearing coming out of his mouth. I don’t know of anyone who can give out so many conflicting priorities in the same sentence. Frankly speaking, he does not inspire our confidence in his guidance of the way the department is being run.

At the moment, there are a lot of things that will see change in the near future. With the recent outsourcing, we have been requested to change the way we do business and our relationships with our ex-peers. In the meeting today, I quickly realized that one of my fears about the company has been true. I have joined a company of bean counters!!! Not only do they expect their staff to charge for every service rendered to our customers but we are also expected to report them back to the HQ in a series of daily meetings. The way I see it, half of my workday will be dedicated to getting all the charge reports together for a lunch time meeting. That would only leave me with half a day to work on any service request that come my way. If that is how things are done, I’m sure that we will be getting a lot of irate calls from our customers.

Sometimes I think that I’m living in a Dilbert cartoon. I’m just waiting if a “Wally” type turns up in the next employee change to complete the collection.

Outsourcing Orentation

I spent the whole morning today attending a new employee orientation briefing at my new company HQ. After the customary meet and greet with the new management team, we were given a tour of the site. I must say that I was impressed initially by the scope of their operations. It was definitely larger and far reaching that the one that I used to have in the old company. I have yet to figure out where I will fit in such a large operation. This was one of my earlier fears about the whole thing. I’ve been working all this time to position myself to be able to move up the ranks of my previous organization but now those plans need to be redesigned depending on how many more layers of management I have to go through. I hope I have an answer to that soon.

After the operations tour, we were showed all the other department offices and I have to say that I am a bit disappointed by what I saw. I would think that after seeing such an ultra-modern operations center, their offices would at least be a bit better than what I actually saw. They had people bunched together in small cubicles that could really do well to learn the principles of proper house keeping. I would imagine that most of the cubicles clearly never seen any sort of natural light since they were so clustered together. I think that even Dilbert will balk at the office arrangement! Good think that I don’t have to move into this office or I’m sure I would have a claustrophobic attack daily. At least for the time being, I get to keep my airy and well lit cubicle in my old office area.

I still have questions after today as to where I fit in and how best I can plan to move up the ranks. It may take me a while to adjust to this new working arrangement but hopefully that adjustment will not be too painful. Until the greater picture is revealed, I just have to go on with business as is and continue to take small steps. It could well be that it’s the journey that counts rather than the destination.

A New Start and A Sad Farewell

The whole dept got treated to an appreciation lunch today. It was held at a nearby hotel as a show of our company’s appreciation of all the effort that we had contributed in the past. I also like to think that this was a gesture of goodwill to smooth out any ruffled feathers from the outsourcing deliberations these past weeks. I have to say that there were times that the discussions got a bit tense for both sides and no doubt that some people may have taken offense to some of the things said. Now that everything has been completed, it is time that will put all of that behind us and start fresh. At least that is the impression that I got from it.

Tomorrow will be a big day. It would be the first day that we officially start our duties with the new company. Good thing that our offices do not get changed or I’ll have to adjust my daily schedule so I can get to work on time. This is really a wakeup call for me to get off my butt and get that driver’s license that I’ve been delaying for quite some time. I can’t continue to depend wholly on others to get me to where I need to go. Anyways … we are expected to attend an orientation briefing at the HQ tomorrow and fill up the necessary HR forms at the new company. I’ve never been to the place so it would be an interesting day tomorrow.

Hopefully I could get a good night’s sleep tonight. I’ve always had this problem that I would always end up tossing and turning in bed whenever I feel anxious about something. I’ve tried almost everything short of sleep medications before and nothing works. I hate for that to happen tonight and I end up with waking up tired and still sleepy. Maybe if I try to really relax myself before I go to bed tonight, it can help me sleep better.

BTW … I just read today that Katherine Hepburn passed away yesterday. She lived to a ripe old age of 96. I will never forget the first time I saw her in “On The Golden Pond” playing opposite Henry Fonda. The image of her as a feisty old woman endeared me to her because it reminded me a lot of my own late grandmother. I’ve never actually seen any of her earlier movies but from what I’ve read about her, she was quite the gal. Her passing will be remembered.

Movie Review: Ada Apa Dengan Cinta

From the very first 5 minutes, the movie hooks the audience in by showing shocking evidence of familial abuse. Although not the main subject of the movie, this subplot successfully reminds the audience that this is not just another teen love story. This is something totally different. This is a story that touches the realities of growing up, friendship and, not forgetting, love.

This is Rudi Soedjarwo’s “Ada Apa Dengan Cinta?”

It has been ages that I’ve seen any Indonesian films. The last time that I’ve seen any was when I was terrified as a child from watching those gore-filled Indonesian horror movies. As I grew older, I lost touch of Indonesian (as well as Malaysian) local productions, favoring Hollywood produced blockbusters instead. I never realized how much I have been missing out until quite lately when we started seeing the resurgence of Asian movies in the local market.

“Ada Apa Dengan Cinta?” or was popularly known as AADC was one such spike with the Malaysian movie audience. The film played quite some time ago and has been since shown on of the local public TV stations. I remembered reading about how much of a stir this small production made in the media when it first came out. For many, this was the first time they had revisited the movies produced by our neighbors and saw how much they have changed from the Indonesian movies of old. What many of them saw was nothing short of phenomenal. Word of mouth spread like wildfire and at a time, everyone was talking about it and began to compare to our own locally produced movies. This was a fresh face from Indonesia’s movie making industry. An entertaining yarn that is both commercial and yet not fluffy or heavy handed.

Of course, I’m always the last to embrace any sort of trend so I didn’t really get on the bandwagon when it first came out. It fact it took me until today before I finally sat down to watch AADC. My initial though is that I hoped that they would have subtitles on the VCD copy that I bought last week since I could never understand Bahasa Indonesia completely. Although quite similar with my own language, Indonesian language uses different words, terms and even some pronunciations that may cause a problem for me. Once it was established that the VCD did have English subtitles, I sat back and enjoyed this brilliant production.

AADC tells the story of teenage friendship and love between Cinta and Rangga which blossomed in spite of their initial dislike of each other. As the story enfolds, Cinta finds herself tore between her burgeoning feelings towards Rangga and her loyalty towards her group of girlfriends. The subplot involving Alya, one of the members of Cinta’s inner circle, further complicates the situation which leads Cinta to regards Rangga as a distraction from her fulfilling her loyalties as a friend. Rangga, who has been a loner before, finds himself alone again after allowing himself to fall for Cinta and suddenly dismissed by her. In his disappointment, he decides to follow his father and move to America. This revelation invokes Cinta to face her own fears and, with the help of her friends, finally face Rangga with the truth of how she feels toward him in an emotional climax.

In line with the premise of the movie, principal actors in AADC were selected from up and coming teen actors that I have to say that I have never seen before. They might be young but they showed a lot of promise and talent. If I had to point out any particular one, my choice would be Nicholas Saputra who had the unenviable job of portraying “Rangga”. His brilliant portrayal of this character pulls in the audience as we shared his journey. To me, he is Indonesia’s answer to Joshua Jackson’s Pacey from Dawson’s Creek in terms of delivering the “goo” factor just with his expressive eyes. Of course I may be a bit biased with my assessments of him for obvious reasons. Whatever it is, he has it in spades and it shows beautifully on screen.

The soundtrack to AADC is another refreshing change from the Indonesia movies of old. The selection of Indonesian pop songs by Anto Hoed and Melly Goeslaw beautifully complements the scenes as they play out on the screen. I enjoyed the soundtrack so much that I know now what CD to get the next time I go to my local CD store. The VCD set that I bought also included a bonus CD that tracks the making of AADC which I also enjoyed. It is very rare that we get a glimpse of how the Indonesian production was made and for me the bonus VCD was a welcomed addition.

AADC was both entertaining and inspiring to me. It got me thinking about beginning a new screenplay that follows the concept of AADC but of course not in the same vein. I have been playing around with the story idea about someone turning 30 and the trails involved with that for quite some time now. That might be the next thing that I might try. It may not be as successful as AADC but I will do it for just the satisfaction of being able to.

Blog or Diary?

The latest interview on Nizam’s weblog today on Oon Yeoh got me thinking that what I am doing here cannot be considered a “true” blog. It seems that my daily musing and rants qualifies more as an online-diary. Come to think about it, there is some truth in that characterization. Most of the things I write about in my entries are outward expressions of my thoughts and emotions. Of course those thoughts and emotions would not really have any links that I could include in my entry for other people to browse further for more information. So by the given definition of a blog, my entries clearly do not fit the description.

It actually does not matter is my daily entries are blogs or online-diary entries. We all have ways to express ourselves here in the net. For some of us, the Net is the only place where we do have the freedom of expression that some people take for granted. For some that freedom is taken to the extreme in both content and taste. Maybe they are the ones who warrant the label of “exhibitionist” or maybe not depending on who you ask. To label online-diarist as those hungry for attention does smack of elitism if not outright generalization. We all have different reasons for venting our emotions on the Net. Even if some do it to grab attention, to lump everyone else in the same category is not exactly wise.

I may just have a knee-jerk reaction to the interview. I may also just be brewing a storm in a teapot by putting these thoughts in words. But at least I am doing them so I move forward. I don’t really care if anyone reads this rant because the attention is not what I seek. I seek the self-satisfaction of knowing that I exercised my right of freedom of expression and of choice.

A choice to speak out even when there is no one listening.

Misc Ramblings

Don’t really know what to write for today’s blog entry. Nothing interesting or unusual happened at work today that would be worth noting down. Nothing happening on the personal life front either. I could have easily skipped today’s entry but I don’t want to set a precedent of skipping an entry when I have been so good at keeping up with my entries. This was a problem that I had before with my old writing journal that I eventually abandoned. I kept on thinking that I have to write something insightful or it wouldn’t be worth to enter it into the journal. I know now that you don’t need to be insightful all the time. Each thought that is noted down into these entries are unique and they represent a snapshot of how I feel at that particular moment.

So … anyway, I got the latest issue of the “Impiana” magazine today. I just only started to read this interior design magazine recently in hopes of getting some ideas on how to design my new condo. Of course the new place will not be ready until 2006 but it doesn’t hurt to start planning from now, isn’t it? At the rate of the price increases, I may not have sufficient funds to decorate the place if I waited until the end before I start planning. I kinda have an idea of the concept that I would like to have but I must say that it would take a minor treasure chest to get it all. I may not be able to afford it all at once but if I plan it well ahead of time, I can spread out the purchase over a period of time and still end up with what I want.

At the moment, I’m really interested in making the place up like something out of an IKEA catalogue. I actually like their minimal designs and clean lines rather than the rustic look. On the other hand that may look too cold and sterile. You can tell that I don’t really know what I want at the moment. This is where the magazines come in. Hopefully they would have something that I would like and hopefully it will be within my means to obtain. At least I still have ample time to plan.

Leaving Legacies Behind

Late this afternoon, I was surprised with an afternoon tea gathering held in my honor by my peers in my company’s volunteer corp.

I had told them last week that with the upcoming transfer to the outsource company; I would no longer be able to chair the group as I have done in the past 5 years. I decided this as it would be unfair to them if I could not devote as much of my time as before once I start my assignment with the new company. My decision was met with a little resistance but I convinced them that it is for the best. I have done my very best to help them develop as a cohesive team and have groomed several of the members to be capable team leaders to lead the rest. I felt that I’ve left the team in good hands.

Late this afternoon, I received a call requesting me to come to the cafeteria for a short meeting. What I didn’t know was that the whole team was there and the short meeting was actually a tea gathering in my honor. Regardless to say, I was shocked speechless by the turn out. It got even more embarrassing when they put me on the spot for a farewell speech. They even had a cake made for me and everything. I blushed even harder when afterward they presented me with a small token of appreciation. This was happening in a cafeteria full of other employees! I don’t think that I have ever blushed as much as I did at the gathering.

I have never been good at being the center of such attention. I’m more at home working in the background and celebrating our successes quietly. I wished that I could be more gracious with their show of appreciation but I was too stunned to react. I kept quiet about it but I truly felt that I did not deserve this much attention. All I did was to guide them as a team to initiate and execute the activities that we planned together. I tried to give them as much respect to them as individuals as they gave me. Come to think of it, I didn’t really do a lot for them when compared to what they all did for each other when they come together as a group.

As I am writing this entry, I realized how much little things that you do affect others a lot. Their overwhelming show of appreciation and the team’s success is proof positive that I can make a difference to the people around me by just staying true to my ideals. If the team takes this lesson to heart then I would have left a good legacy behind.

Phobias

I woke up this morning with a terrible headache. I think that I have some sort of gum infection or something. There was this throbbing pain that kept me up all night and it still hurts a bit throughout the day. I think it’s from the 2nd molar that I had capped a few months ago. I don’t think that I bit on anything hard and chipped it but it hurts like hell so I’ve must have done something to it. At least the pain is down to a dull continuous throbbing now so it’s a bit bearable. I have to get some aspirin when I get back today for the pain. If things get worse, I may have to pay my local dentist a visit. I hate going to the dentist.

Well … actually hate is a harsh word. I’m actually afraid of visits to the dentist. It’s one of my pet peeves, right up there with my phobia of snakes, clowns and drag queens. The thought of having someone put metal instruments in and poking around in my mouth scares me shitless. I always try to avoid going to the dentist if I can so when I do go, the bill is astronomical. Somehow, I need to find away to overcome this phobia so when the next time I go, it won’t be too expensive and dreadful. Maybe I just need to find the right incentive to go regularly. A cute dentist might work.

It’s still raining heavily outside. It seems to rain every evening lately which is strange since it’s suppose to be the dry season until early Aug. I guess that the weather patterns have been screwed up lately. Since there is nothing much on TV tonight, I just have to amuse myself with some DVDs. Good thing that my copy of “Giant” arrived from Amazon.com today. Yay me! Although I’ve seen that movie at least 10 times, I can never tire of watching James Dean in that movie. Every time I see it, I can’t help but wonder how far he might have gone had his not been killed in that terrible accident soon after completing “Giant”. He was taken far before his prime and I guess that what makes his appeal enduring generations after generations.

Movie Review : Hulk

Warning: Contains some spoilers to “Hulk”

After paying my bills at the bank this morning, I decided to catch the new “Hulk” movie at the local cinema near my apartment. As with other popular titles, the movie started only after 20 minutes of advertisements on the big screen. I don’t know if this is unique to Malaysia but sometimes they do tend to get overboard with the ads before the movie. I guess it’s a way for the cinemas to get some extra revenue with each showing. At least they also show the new trailer for T3 which looks cool. I’m going to have to see that movie when it comes out.

The “Hulk” starts out a bit sluggish for my taste. I guess that it had to as to set the audience who may be unfamiliar with the story. The first “X-Men” movie had to do the same thing although I did think that they did it better. I have to say that the pace of the first act for the “Hulk” was so slow that I can’t help myself from nodding off a bit. For those of us in the know, we were looking for the appearance of Stan Lee in the movie. I’ve haven’t seen “Daredevil” yet but Stan has made an appearance in most all Marvel comics adapted movies produced to date. I don’t think he made a cameo in both “Blade” movies but I have to check that movie again. Anyway, Stan got a few lines this time out with the original Hulk from the TV series. That gave some of the crowd in the packed theater something to chuckle about.

Once Banner starts to transform into the Hulk, the pace of the movie started to pick up. The first reaction to the CGI Hulk was a few giggles from the audience, me included. I keep having this picture of Sherk on steroids jumping around in the desert. Once the initial reaction passed, I found myself admiring this version of the Hulk. A lot of people put in their time and effort for this CGI and it shows beautifully on the big screen. The action scenes involving the Hulk are straight from comic book pages. Hulk smashing tanks and throwing helicopters around is reminiscent of early Hulk comics which this movie captures beautifully.

I did found the comic panel like split screens intriguing. I don’t think that this narrative device has been seen in any other movie that I know of. It adds to the feel of the movie as a moving comic book. I think that they successfully integrated that device in scenes where the action is taking place in multiple locations as the same time. Although most of the movie was a bit dark in terms of lighting, there were a few scenes that I noticed that they choose to light it with a greenish tint. Though it may have fit in with the main subject of the movie, I was distracted by the choice of making the characters look like they were nauseated with that lighting scheme.

I have to say that I didn’t really like the ending of the movie that much. The climax of Hulk battling his father who happens to get the power to transform himself into anything around him seems too rushed and uncreative after seeing how Hulk trashed the army that was sent to capture him. I can’t help but laugh a bit when his father turned into what I can only describe as a giant jelly fish because it was a silly to me. If you take out the anti-climax ending, the movie was a good way to spend an afternoon. I’m sure to get the DVD once they release it to add to my collection.

Done Deal

I’ve finally went and put down my signatures to all the transfer papers today. In a way I do feel sad leaving the company that I have been working in for the past 7 years. It being my first place of employment after graduating college makes it even harder. I’ve learnt and grown a lot with this company. To have to go, especially in the manner of being outsourced, does leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I guess this is the reality of current business conditions. Everyone is competing to give their product with the lowest cost that some of the less profit-making sections of the business have to be sacrificed. At least they did us the courtesy of ensuring employment with the new company.

As for the new company, I have no idea what the future holds. There are too many horror stories that I’ve heard about them that sometimes they are hard to believe. I guess that I just have to experience it for myself. My plan now is to take it all in and evaluate them once I get all the info that I need. If the need arises that I seek other employment then that will be something that I have to consider. For now, I’ll stick to the plan and observe.

On a brighter note, I’m planning to take a 3-day weekend. Need to go to the bank and complete my monthly transactions on Monday since they have been closed for the past 3 Saturdays. Can’t let my bills go past due. I’m also taking Mum for a nice lunch this Saturday since I couldn’t go back home to her place this weekend like I promised earlier. With everything that has been happening this week, I thought that it would be better for me to be at my own place for a bit.

The Next Best Thing

I am proud to say that I am a government and UMNO supporter.

To be a government or UMNO supporter in Malaysia in my current age group seems to be the unpopular choice nowadays. Most often than not, they are viewed as ignorant of the so called injustice against the people and supporters of homophobic policies that continue to persist. As a result, a lot of us who support the government and UMNO tend to stay in the background and become the silent majority while our peers continue to be vocal about their displeasure with the current administration. While I may agree on some of their points, I deplore their methods of execution. Unnecessary public disturbance and character assassinations are not the tools to incite policy changes.

What other alternatives do I have to UMNO? On one hand I have a hardline Islamic political party whose main goal is to implement a fundamentalist theocracy in Malaysia. Leaders and members of this political party are not above using religion to suit their own political aspirations. I find their methods distasteful and they represent Islam in the narrowest interpretation which suits their goals. They tend to promise heaven while all the while pave the road leading to it with acts that by all accounts makes one be condemned to the inferno.

The other alternative is to join another opposition party that espouses the fight against social injustice. While the ends are noble, the means to the end are not clearly defined or identified. If the fight is to end social injustice, why does the so-called justice party be more concerned with the release of fallen personages and not the release of downtrodden individual from poverty? They want to change the inequality that persists in Malaysia even and yet they have no clear plan on how to do it. Without a clear manifesto of action and goals, even those among us who are sympathetic to their cause would later be disillusioned by their incompetence.

By process of elimination, I believe UMNO is still the current best choice for me. I may not agree with some of their policies but at least they do have clearly defined goals and, for most of the time, been honest with their execution. This is not the perfect choice, this is the next best thing. This choice may not make me popular at my local coffeeshop but for now, I am happy with my choice.

Outsourcing on My Mind

I have a lot of things to think about in the next 2 days.

This coming Friday is my deadline to decide whether to accept or reject the new job offer that was given as part of the outsourcing package. While the new job does offer an increase in my monthly paycheck, I’ll be losing much in terms of comparable benefits that I’m currently enjoying. I know that I don’t really use much of those benefits but it does provide me with a safety net knowing that it would be there should I need it. I have been enjoying that security for such a long time no that to think about losing it is a bit frightening.

The new job that they are offering me is basically the same thing that I’ve been doing for the past 7 years. The only difference is that I’ll be working for a local company instead of a MNC as I do now. I guess that the way that local companies do business is bound to be a lot different from how I’m used to. For one, they require us to submit daily work reports which I have never done before. In fact, I really hate the fact that I have to report every minute of my day to some nameless/faceless supervisor who I’ll be answerable to. I actually much preferred it if I was let on my own devices to complete the task on hand rather than having someone always hovering over my shoulder.

If I decide to refuse this offer, my options in my current company will shrink to next to nothing. For one, my whole department will cease to exist and I have to be transferred to a different operations. While my current skill sets are totally suited for my current position, I am wholly lacking in the skills that are required to work effectively in other departments. Guess that this is the curse of being too specialized. I probably end up being put into some task that would bore me to death while I try to catch up to others who have been around for quite sometime. Worse case scenario would be that they put me in cold storage for as long as I can stand it until I submit my resignation letter!

Either way, I have the next 2 days to weigh my options and decide the next course of action. Whatever that choice may be, I have promised myself that I will stand by my decision and never regret it once it has been made.

Thoughts on National Service

I caught a bit about the upcoming mandatory National Service for secondary school leavers on the news this morning. The way that I understand it, the way that they will decide on who will be called up for National Service will be based on a random selection of their ID numbers from the group of 18 year olds. It sounds similar like the draft that US went through in the 70’s. Penalties for dodging the draft sound pretty severe to “discourage” parents from preventing their children from joining the National Service.

As a whole, I support National Service for these youngsters. When I look at my brother, who will be turning 18 next year, and his friends of the same age, there seem to be a lack of direction for them after school. Most of them whom I’ve met seem to lack the drive to do something other than hang out and watch TV! I’m sometimes astounded by the apathy that teenagers nowadays have towards themselves and those around them. Are we that well off in life as a society that taking things for granted has become second nature?

I realize that National Service is not the only answer to the issue here but at least this is a good start. Hopefully this will help build a better generation of leaders who will in the future hold Malaysia’s destiny in their hands.

I just realize how old I feel writing today’s weblog.

Hectic Weekend Ahead

It’s already end of business on Friday and I still don’t have any firm plans for the weekend. Initially I thought of going to the bank tomorrow to pay up my CC bills but the I realized that they would be closed this Saturday as replacement for last weekend’s public holiday. Looks like I have to take 1 day off sometime in the next 2 week to pay up my bills before they are overdue.

Since that plan is scratched, I guess that I could just go through the DVDs that I haven’t had the chance to watch yet. Received another 2 from Amazon.com today. One is “The Sum of Us” with a young Russell Crowe and the other is “It’s My Party”. The reviews that I’ve seen looks favorable and they do come with audio commentaries so that would be enjoyable to go through. On that same note, it seems that they finally release the whole set of Indiana Jones on DVD. The price of the box set seems reasonable for 4 DVDs. Can’t wait for that to come.

I also still have to fix my home internet connection. Somehow the setting crapped out on me when I reformatted my laptop. Hopefully I could fix that this weekend or else I have a whole boatload of email to go though next week. Not that any of them are important but I just hate it when my inbox become clogged by spam.

The only other thing that I can think of doing this weekend is to go down to 1-Utama to pickup my monthly comics from the shop. I’ve been doing this for the past 14 years so much so that my mum always rag me on the obscene amount that I’ve spent on comics throughout the years. But I find myself hard pressed to stop from buying those comics month after month. It’s like I have to know what happens next to the characters that have been a part of my life for so long. I’m like the character Michael in QAF-US. Maybe there is some truth in what they say about gay boys and comics.

Reading this it seems that I do have a lot to do this weekend. I just wish that I had someone to do it with.

Meadering Thoughts of A Frustrated Writer Wannabe

I started this weblog in part to keep myself writing. It has been awhile since I’ve put any serious effort in my writing and sometimes I feel guilty about it. There was a time that I felt driven to write, to exorcise my inner demons out by the flow of my words. I’ve always seen my writing as therapeutic since I’m actually quite shy in person and would never be able to express myself freely. Through the anonymity of the Internet and the shield of this computer, I would always be able to let myself go with my writing without any barriers.

I mainly write fiction since it is what I’m most comfortable with. My writings would usually be dictated by how I feel at that particular moment. In a way, I invest a lot of emotions into my work which by the time I reach the end would totally drain me. Of course this means that when I read back things that I’ve wrote before, I keep thinking about what on earth would motivate me to write something like that. I remember one particular piece that I did in college that my lecturer actually commented as being “a bold but disturbing piece”. It was something about an abused multiple personality killer and was written in 2nd person POV as part of a conversation between him and the victim i.e. the reader. I wished that I still had that paper but I lost it when I brought my things back home after graduation.

My latest pride and joy is my very first English screenplay. I’ve been trying for ages to do one but I’ve never written anything in screenplay format before and had a lot to learn before I was confident enough to start. Once I started, I found out that I actually liked this format better since I get to let my imagination run wild while I wrote. Writing about stage directions and dialogue allowed me to visualize the story better and I found myself more careful about how I ground the story in the realm of what is possible within an imaginary budget. I also found myself thinking about the impact of every scene that I write and how it impacts the pacing of the “movie” that I had playing in my head. It took me a few weeks of 2 hours block of writing before I completed a full feature length screenplay. BTW … the screenplay I wrote was an unauthorized sequel to “Beautiful Thing” by Jonathan Harvey. It was more of a fan-fiction project that went a wee bit overboard.

Of course being able to write doesn’t mean I write well. I’m terrible with grammar and could never pick those mistakes out when I’m editing. I guess that’s why it is always better to share one’s writing with others.

Fire !

At 3am this morning, I was woken up from deep slumber by the sound of sirens blaring. After checking to make sure that it was not from my alarm clock (heh), I stumbled out of bed to check out what was going on. From my apartment I could see flames coming out of the hardware shop across the street. The first thought that crossed my mind is that this could be dangerous as I knew that the place had some paint for sale. All those paint cans in a fire … definitely not good. By the time I snapped out of the minor panic, I realized that there were already 3 fire trucks on the scene and the firemen were already in the process of putting the fire out. It was kinda scary for a bit seeing the flames towering over everyone. Good thing that the wind wasn’t really blowing hard last night of it could have been worse. Once I was sure that the fire would not spread out to the surrounding area, I went back to bed.

This morning, as I was leaving to work, I managed to see the extent of the damage. It seems that the fire completely destroyed the main office of the store and some of the storage area. I couldn’t see how much damage the place sustained further in but I would guess from the fire last night that the damage was extensive. A few guys from Tenaga were also on site to repair the power lines that were impacted by the fire. I have to say that this is the closest I’ve been to this type of disaster. I tried not to think too much about it or about how close it was to the place I lived.

BTW … started on the “Real World: Las Vegas” DVD set last night. I actually sat through the first 8 episodes in one sitting. “Real World” is one of my vices. I know that it’s trashy TV but I just can’t pull myself from watching it. The same goes with other reality TV shows. Must be for the voyeuristic thrill of the whole thing. And also for some eye candy especially in the seasons when they have a majority of cute guys. First impression of this particular season is that the guys are all hotties, especially Frank whom I would totally fall for, but dumb as rocks. Not to mention totally slutty. As for the girls, they are totally beautiful in a Christina skaky way.

It’s raining heavily outside now. The first time it rained in 2 weeks, I think. At least tonight would be cooler. The heat has been totally stifling the past week. I keep getting up in the morning with sweat stains on my bed and smelling pretty bad. Hopefully tonight would be better.

DVD Review: X-Files Season 7 & Children of Dune

Since nothing much happened today that is blog worthy, I thought that I’ll fill in today’s entry with my thoughts about the DVDs that I watched this past weekend.

First up is X-Files Season 7. It took me awhile before I got through all the episodes in this excellent DVD set. On the whole, season 7 was a mixed bag of good, bad and god awful episodes. Among my favorites of the season are “Hungry”, “Closure” and “Signs and Wonders”. I think that the worse of the lot is a toss up between “Hollywood A.D.” and “FPS”. I really hated those 2 episodes. Image and sound quality for the set seems to be acceptable to me but I’m not really skilled enough to tell if there is any defect. The price for the package is a bit steep but having all the season’s episode in one neat package makes it worth it for a fan like me. Plus this season had an appearance of Krychek which is always a good thing.

I also got a chance to watch the “Children of Dune” DVD set in one sitting. I’ve always been a fan of the series but it has been awhile since I read them. This series was shown earlier this year on the Sci-Fi channel in the US but being in Malaysia meant that I have no access to see it during the original airing. I had a love/hate response to the first series “Dune” since I remember that book most vividly and also had the feature film version of “Dune” for comparison. So watching “Children of Dune” this time around is a bit refreshing since I’ve forgotten how the stories continued.

“Children of Dune” is actually two stories, “Children of Dune” & “God Emperor of Dune”, rolled into one. So undoubtedly some of the details were compressed and some others omitted totally to fit into the mini-series format. I have to read the books again to figure out which details got cut out but overall the story flowed smoothly, except from a few loose plot threads, so I guess that the cuts didn’t impact the story that much. CGI shots this time around showed improvement over the predecessor so I guess that they put in extra money after the first mini-series. Costume design also looked better than the first one except for that awful wedding suit that the groom wore in the last episode. Man … it was ugly and I’ll be happy if I never see it again.

The special features of this DVD set are a bit on the slim side. I wished that they could have added some audio commentaries that could explain the effort that they took to combine 2 fairly plot heavy books into one story. Picture and audio quality is quite clear and I must say fairly enjoyable to experience due to the dense amount of action happening on screen at one time. Price wise is acceptable for this polished production.

Both sets are available from Amazon.com.

The Company Dinner

This blog was supposed to be posted on Sunday but I had the most difficult time uploading to Blogger.com.

Sunday, 8th June 2003
The company annual dinner yesterday went smoothly better than I expected. It was truly worth all the time and effort spent in the last few months. Everyone seems to enjoy themselves at the dinner and the food didn’t receive any complaints this year. Most of the attendees came dressed to theme and we had a difficult time choosing the winners for best dressed male and female. Funny thing was that I was told that I was a shoo in for best dressed male that night! I, of course, asked to be disqualified on account that I was part of the organizing committee. But still, it was exhilarating to be a contender.

I must say that during the dinner, I was distracted by one of the banquet staff on duty that night. He was kinda cute and kept throwing glances at me all night long. He was not the only one since I was also stealing glances at him. But being the chicken that I was, I was not about to do anything especially in front of so many people from work. That would just be suicide. So I spent the whole night standing not two feet from him and occasionally catching him look at me from the corner of my eye. Needless to say, I had a lot of frustration to work out by the end of the dinner. Good thing they had an open dance floor at the end of the function. I think I must have been dancing for a good three hours non-stop last night with anyone who would join me! I didn’t even care that they played some heavy metal Metallica shit that nobody can dance to at the end of the night.

Woke up this morning just deliciously aching from head to toe. Age must be catching up to me. Used to be a time that I could just dance to the wee hours and not feel anything the next morning. Guess that I’ll be hanging up my dancing shoes soon. Spent the whole day just vegetating in front of the TV watching DVDs to recover. Anyway … tomorrow is the start of another week.

More outsourcing discussions

This blog was suppose to be posted earlier but other things got in the away so here it is better late than never.

Today we had our outsourcing benefits meeting. Coming into the meeting, I promised myself that I don’t set my expectations too high about the benefits package that would be offered. I didn’t want to get disappointed if the package was not as high or as good as I wanted. True enough it was neither. While the new company met all the current benefits, I did lose some minor items. I’m thankful enough that at least all the major ticket items like pay and health benefits were comparable to the one I’m enjoying today with my current company. Well … in order to be comparable with some of the current benefits, they had to increase my base pay to match what I would no longer enjoy. So I did get a pay raise out of it. This means more taxes to pay but I’ll manage.

After the meeting, my boss called me in to discuss about my future plans. I frankly told him that I need to look deep into myself before deciding if this is what I want for myself. He commented that he noticed that I’ve been lagging behind in my work lately and that he understand that it was related to the stress and uncertainties with the outsourcing program. I basically told him that I’m just a little burned out having to do the same thing at work for 7 years. Day in and out, I come to work feeling numb and sometimes bored out of my skull! He did promise me that he’ll look into it and see if there is something new that I could try. Hopeful he could find one before I drop dead from boredom. BTW .. he did mentioned that I spent too much company time surfing the web. Hahaa … BUSTED!!! Got to do something about that soon.

Tomorrow night is the annual company dinner. Finally decided to spend some money and get a kurta to wear to the function tomorrow. Got one from Jln Masjid India at a reasonable price (I think). I don’t know how many times that I would wear it but I have one now. I guess I could keep it around for the next function like I do for my tuxedo. Just hope that it would still fit the next time I have to wear it. Anyway … I have to be there early tomorrow for the preparation so better get some shut eye now. Need to be bright and bushy tail tomorrow.

Notes on my dad

Transfered RM1500 to Mum's bank acct today. She called me yesterday to ask for the money to pay for my sister's enterance fee for her diploma. My sister promised me to pay it back once she gets her student loan approved. Fortunately I have my house fund set aside to cover the bill and was able to advance them the money. I don't really care when they refund me back the money since I'm not planning to use it until my apt is ready in 2006 but I was really dissapointed by the seemingly lack of interest on the part of my dad in all this.

I can't really say that I'm very close to my dad. He and I have had some problems in the past and have only recently started to really reach out to each other. I guess partly that is because both of us are bull-headed and stubborn. I mean ... I still love him and that he's my dad but sometimes the things that he does or ignores infuriates me to no end. Sometimes it feels like he is so involved in chasing his pipe dream that he lose sight of people who are still depended on him.

No doubt that my dad is a dreamer. I inherited that trait from his side of the family but I also have my mum's practicallity which sometimes I think he lacks (based on the decisions that he makes). Ever since I was a child, I could recall all the unrealistic plans that he would come up with that would one way or another blowup in his face. When I got older, I tried my best to support his decisions but sometimes he doesn't make it easy to do so. He would always have these plans for quick money and stuff which basically never pans out and in the end leaves the whole family in a lurch.

I think that I liked him better when he was still in the Army. At least the Army provided him with a solid ground to work from although that meant that the family didn't see him that often. He retired early to chase after some quick money plan that his friend conned him into and since then things have never been the same. He still continues to dream of making easy money and not learn from past mistakes. I think that his pride won't let him. It's this same pride that makes him ignore our warnings time and time again.

I maybe harsh on him sometime but he is still my father. Good comes with the bad as it is in a balanced universe. I just hope and pray that it is not too late for him to realise how his action affect those who love him.

Outsourcing and cruising

In our staff meeting today, there was a discussion about the upcoming outsourcing offer letter briefing session this Friday. Generally everyone is a bit apprehensive about the offer. Everyone is feeling that they might get the short end of the stick in terms of the benefits offered. It was truely demoralizing to say the least. I mean ... we've been working in the same company for years and suddenly now we feel so expendable just because some higher muckity muck want to see better profits per quarter. What they should do is stop giving the BOD those inflated annual bonuses that every body else feel that they didn't earn.

In away, with this oursourcing program, this marks an end of an era for me personally. Up to now, I've felt pretty secure in my position and future outlook. Now all of the things that I value, security and possibilities, are being yanked out from under me. It's truely a scary thing to have to go through. Suddenly I'm faced with lingering doubts whether I made the correct decision to not leave the company with better terms much earlier. I really hate this second guessing and yet that basically all that I can think about!

BTW .... read an article today that was forwarded to the JS mailinglist. The article which appeared in a local newspaper basically points out to the public most of the cruising places for the local gays in Klang Valley. The detail description leads me to the conclusion that the sender must have close connections to PLU or one of us himself. Like it our not, all our hang outs have been outed for all the public to know. No doubt that there will be more scrutiny to people who frequent these places. What I worry more is that now that they are known, would we expect more trouble in the form of raids by the local authorities or even groups of gay-bashers on site? Will we be safe going there anymore?

I actually just got to know about these places just a few months ago and have never been there personally. From what little I know, these places are the only places that PLUs feel comfortable to congregate in large numbers. Now that they are put in the spotlight, where will we turn to next? In a way, the security and comfort has been violated by the writer of that article. Little by little, they take away the thing that we relate to and in the end we'll be left with nothing to hold on to. What happens then?

My life as a dinner planner

Another end to a so-so day.

At the meeting for the run up to the company dinner this weekend, the team picked me to set down the criteria to pick the best dressed male and female attendee. After five whole minutes of laughing out loud, I kinda wondered why of all the people in the team, they picked me to set the rules for the damn thing. I mean ... I have no fashion sense to speak off in the first place and I don't have the foggiest idea of what makes an outfit attractive. To me as long as the outfit fits comfortably and doesn't stink like it hasn't been washed for a week, then it's OK with me. Good thing that they didn't make me judge the whole thing or I'll might be biased towards the men (hehee).

So while I think about what would be the best criteria to select the best dressed male and female for the night, I have 2 new DVD sets to enjoy. My copy of "Children of Dune" and "Real World: Las Vegas" finally came in today after weeks of waiting. Can't wait to get home, pop it and and just vegatate in front of the TV tonight. I'll submit something in tomorrow for the criteria.

Same old, same old

A few things before I sign-off for the day.

The Amazing Race 4 recaps have been posted on TWOP today. As usual I have to catch myself from laughing out loud while reading it. Looking forward for this season actually since it does have it share of eye candy. Of course I don't actually have Astro or AXN so I would have to be content on reading the snark rather than watching it. BTW ... there are some really *interesting* pictures in the forum thread about the current racers.

Planing to go though 4 episodes of X-Files season 7 DVD if there is nothing good on TV tonight. Since it's Monday, I think this will be the case. My friends always rag on me for watching too much TV. It's not like I have any choice ... I don't have a life !!! I'm too introverted to go out and meet people. Too lazy to join in any chat sessions. Too scared to pickup a phone and call someone. Not that I'm being swamped by offers for dates anyway.

Why the fear? I guess its too long being in the mindset that people look up to you and that you have to set an example to other people. Maybe just because I'm too scared that once I cross that line, I won't want to turn back or even that I don't want this in the first place. BS aside ... I'm definitely scared of finding out. Petrified of coming out of the closet.

Until I overcome this fear, I live life to the fullest and to the best of my ability.

Slice of life

Wanted to update my blog last weekend but got caught up with stuff and that plan fell through.

Any way ... a nice weekend all around. Decided to get my nephew on of those RC cars instead of a stuffed toy this year. It was only after I've paid for the thing that I remembered that my brother got one for him a few months ago. Turns out that my nephew already trashed that one a few weeks back so my gift wasn't so bad. Also we decided to celebrate by other nephew's birthday early as well ... since my family won't be around on his birthday next week. For him I bought a bunch of hard cover children's classics since you can never go wrong by giving people books. I hope that he'll enjoy them but from the look from his face, I could tell that he was expecting something else. Kids nowadays just don't appreciate the power of curling in a warm bed with a favorite book!

Decided to get a hair cut last weekend. The usual ... buzz cut on the sides and back, leave the top. I've always had this thing about buzz cuts. For one I can't never stand having my hair grow long ... it's just drives me crazy. I've always like the feel of a buzz cut on on my own head or anyone else for that matter. Kinda reminds me of this barber place that I used to go to when I was in Madison. I think it was called "BuzzCuts" or something and they mainly cater to the college students. It was cheap and most of the people who went there were either frat guys or the football team (who were not that bad to the eyes anyway). I had some of the best conversations there while waiting for my turn on the barber's chair. Oh ... glory days.

This week would be something to look forward to. We'll be having our outsorcing briefing this coming Friday. The outcome of that will determine whether I'll be staying with my current job or be taking off to other pastures. Also I've got that annual dinner this coming weekend. The theme this year is "Hindi Movies" ... god knows what I'm going to wear for that!