The Silent Objector

I’ve never considered myself as an activist whether it is for social, political or any other causes. I’m too entrenched in my “live and let live” attitude towards issues that surround our fair country today. Activism, by my limited definition, is more the agenda of the upper middle class groups in our society who may have the opportuinity to devote their resources to the pursuit of their passions. It is actually hard for me to be passionate about issues that do not directly impact me when it is hard enough to try to go on with day to day activities. Some may consider me apathetic as a result of my views but I just don’t see myself having the luxury to devote time and resources to change the world one person at a time.

Recent reports in the print and electronic media on gays in Malaysia have given me pause to reconsider my views on social activism. The unbalanced reporting has given cause for many to feel that we have been unfairly singled out and condemned in the broadest terms without proper representations of our views. Some of the mailing lists that I am a member of have been buzzing for weeks about putting our views out to the public to counter these one-sided depictions of the Malaysian GLBT community. Some, more than others, actually have action plans set up to let our voices heard in a public forum which while should be commendable would need the support of those, like me, who would rather be out of the spotlight and run into the deep recesses of our closets.

I believe that with this particular issue, fear of being outed in public plays a major role in my reluctance to throw my support behind their plans. I’ve often told myself that the only way I would be comfortable to come out of the closet is only when I can find the support network that I would need to help deal with the repercussion of my choice. Since that support network is non-existent for me to fall back to, I have to be content in staying in the darkness. Being the only choice that I have at the moment, it wouldn’t really make sense for me to “rock the boat” and risk the exposure of attention. And yet, I feel that I would be perpetuating the lies that I’ve been telling myself by not voicing out publicly my concerns about the unfair depiction of gays in Malaysia.

As a society, Malaysians are open and tolerant of new ideas as long as they do not run counter to religion and deep-seated core values. Since many see homosexuals as the antithesis of those values, the GLBT community here may never be accepted as anything more than a deviant aberration of nature. To get up in arms and call for recognition would be tantamount to walking around with a neon sign on our heads for all to see when all this time we have been trying so hard to hide who we are. So is it really necessary? I have to acknowledge that in an ideal world recognition and representation is very necessary but unfortunately we are not living in that ideal situation. The way I see it, I would be willing to lend my voice to the cause but would never be able to contribute anything more of substance.

Are we actually ready to have our own “Stonewall” in Malaysia? I have to truthfully say that I am not ready to answer that call.