Thursday, June 05, 2003

Notes on my dad

Transfered RM1500 to Mum's bank acct today. She called me yesterday to ask for the money to pay for my sister's enterance fee for her diploma. My sister promised me to pay it back once she gets her student loan approved. Fortunately I have my house fund set aside to cover the bill and was able to advance them the money. I don't really care when they refund me back the money since I'm not planning to use it until my apt is ready in 2006 but I was really dissapointed by the seemingly lack of interest on the part of my dad in all this.

I can't really say that I'm very close to my dad. He and I have had some problems in the past and have only recently started to really reach out to each other. I guess partly that is because both of us are bull-headed and stubborn. I mean ... I still love him and that he's my dad but sometimes the things that he does or ignores infuriates me to no end. Sometimes it feels like he is so involved in chasing his pipe dream that he lose sight of people who are still depended on him.

No doubt that my dad is a dreamer. I inherited that trait from his side of the family but I also have my mum's practicallity which sometimes I think he lacks (based on the decisions that he makes). Ever since I was a child, I could recall all the unrealistic plans that he would come up with that would one way or another blowup in his face. When I got older, I tried my best to support his decisions but sometimes he doesn't make it easy to do so. He would always have these plans for quick money and stuff which basically never pans out and in the end leaves the whole family in a lurch.

I think that I liked him better when he was still in the Army. At least the Army provided him with a solid ground to work from although that meant that the family didn't see him that often. He retired early to chase after some quick money plan that his friend conned him into and since then things have never been the same. He still continues to dream of making easy money and not learn from past mistakes. I think that his pride won't let him. It's this same pride that makes him ignore our warnings time and time again.

I maybe harsh on him sometime but he is still my father. Good comes with the bad as it is in a balanced universe. I just hope and pray that it is not too late for him to realise how his action affect those who love him.

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