Read - Part 1
Read - Part 2
Read - Part 3
“Ste. I must tell you that I don’t even know if I could stop now either but I don’t want you to do something that you would regret tomorrow” Jamie calmly said as he return back to the reality that was facing him now.
Ste felt the warm wash of relief over him as he saw the resolve in Jamie’s eyes. “I don’t want to think about regrets now, Jamie. I’ll sort out tomorrow when tomorrow comes but that’s not tonight. What I know is that if I lose you now, I don’t know if I would have the courage to face you again.”
“But you do realise that if anything happen between us now, things will never be the same again ?”
“I know Jamie but things stopped being the same the moment you kissed me” Ste softly smiled as he realised that Jamie was as worried as he was at how things were progressing.
Jamie felt the last of his barriers melt away at the sight of that beautiful smile that he knew so well. Though doubts were still crowding at the back of his head, he now knew that Ste was fighting the same doubts as he was and that they could drew on each other’s strength to see it through. There was no one else that he would rather have by his side than Ste as he resolved to take this leap of faith. Slowly Jamie began to raise his hands up to touch the face of the one whom he had been longing for from afar. A face that was now sharing their strength to find the courage to be true to their hearts.
“Jamie? ” Ste whispered slowly relishing the wonderful sound that the name made. He has said the name many times before but this time there seemed to be a magical tinge to it that somehow warmed his soul as he said it.
“Yeah, Ste.” Jamie was transfixed at the sight of Ste sitting there deeply immersed in his own thoughts.
“How long have you …” Ste’s final words trailed away as he tried to make sense of how things were turning out.
Looking deep into Ste’s eyes, Jamie suddenly found himself in tune with his thoughts and that he could sense what Ste was thinking about. Ste was never the easiest person to read since he would always have an invisible barrier around him to shield himself from the hurt that others inflicted on him. Nevertheless, that barrier had been lowered tonight and suddenly Jamie could clearly see the one this shield protected.
“Known that I’m in love with you?” Jamie effortlessly finished Ste’s words for him.
Ste felt his breath caught momentarily in his throat when he heard his unfinished thoughts completed. Jamie smiled when he saw the flash of surprise that flickered in Ste’s eyes.
“How did you know I was going to say that?”
“It would be the exact same thing I would ask if I was in your situation, Ste.”
Ste paused to consider Jamie’s reply. It seemed that Jamie was beginning to know him better than he knew himself. Ste wondered silently if this was there all the long and that he had never looked deep enough to see it. He has been hiding behind the walls that he built all these years out of necessity. This shell that he had surrounded himself served to blunt the blows that rained on him from his own flesh and blood. It was also this cloak of convenience that kept him at arms length from everyone around him until tonight. For the first time in a long while, he did not feel the need for that invisible protection that cocooned him within his despair.
Jamie’s soft chuckle suddenly snapped Ste back from his reverie. Though it felt like several lifetimes flashed in his thoughts, time seemed to stop for him while Ste exorcised the demons that clouded his eyes. Slowly his vision focused on the unwavering image of Jamie smiling shyly across the bed. Once again Ste felt the tug at his heart reminding him of this newly found lifeline that he found in Jamie.
“See. I’ve got your number, Ste.” Jamie winked playfully at a stunned Ste.
“So you’re the psychic now, eh?” Ste playfully pushed Jamie’s arms. He could not believe how easy it was now to be around Jamie now that he had put his doubts away. “Seriously, Jamie. How long have you known?”
Jamie raised an eyebrow as he paused to consider his answer. Ste looked so eager at that precise moment as he waited for the answer to his question that there was no way that Jamie could deny him. The look was so endearing that Jamie could not think of denying Ste anything is the world if it would make him happy.
“I don’t really know when I realised that I’m in love with you. We’ve been mates ever since I moved here with Mum that for a long time that was all we were.” Jamie paused as he felt his cheeks began to get warm. “One day, I woke up and saw something in you that I never saw before. I tried to put it out of my head but the more I tried to ignore it, the more that feeling got stronger.”
Ste was in rapt attention as he listened to Jamie’s confession. He never noticed any changes in Jamie before this night. He would be the first to admit that he could be a bit thick headed sometimes but Jamie has been his friend for so long that he should have noticed the change in their relationship. Ste now realised that he was not the only one walking around with masks that hide the inner realities. Jamie was living behind his own disguise all this while and it was only now that he knew about it.
“After a time, I resigned to the thought of keeping how I felt about you to myself. It was hard at first what with seeing you everyday at school and home but after awhile it got to be second nature to me” Jamie sighed as he lowered his head in embarrassment.
“You never told me about this before, Jamie” Ste softly said as he took Jamie’s hands into his again.
Smiling slightly, Jamie rose his eyes only to see twin pools of understanding reflected in Ste’s eyes. “It’s not like I could come up to you and say ‘By the way, Ste. I think that I’m madly in love with you’ wouldn’t it?”
Ste giggled softly at the thought. “I don’t know, Jamie. It’s not like you’ve ever even tried, eh?”
“I was scared out of my wits to even think of trying. I was scared that you’ll see me as what everyone at school thought me of. A queer bent bastard”
Ste suddenly remembered all the taunts and abuse that Jamie had to go through at school. It must have been hard for him to face McBride and his friends everyday and try to ignore the hurtful words thrown in his way. All of the sudden, Ste felt the raising tide of shame and guilt building up inside of him as he never tried to defend Jamie before even when he knew that he should have done something to help his neighbour. Ste promised silently to himself that he would soon change that.
“You never seem to take notice of what they said at school, Jamie.”
“There is not much of a choice, Ste. It's either I ignore them or get my head bashed in for trying to get back at them. Not that anything that I could do would change how the people at school treated me?” Jamie had resigned to his fate long ago with respect to the behaviour of the others at school towards him
Ste could see that although Jamie said that the words did not matter to him, he could feel the hurt that Jamie kept bottled inside. “Not everyone at school think of you that way, Jamie.” Ste tried to gently reassure Jamie.
“You maybe right, Ste but I’m still shite to some of them. Especially to McBride”
Ste could not help himself from recoiling slightly at the venom that was dripping from Jamie’s words. He was not sure that Jamie himself noticed it but Jamie said McBride’s name as if it was a curse. It was clear to Ste that of all the people at school, McBride was the one that Jamie detested most.
“McBride always been a prat. You know that, Jamie. Why do you even care what he thinks?” Ste’s brow began to furrow as he tried to understand the root of Jamie’s anger.
Jamie lowered his head again as it felt heavy from the shame that was rising from deep inside of him. “That prat, as you correctly put it, happens to be your mate as well. I thought that you would think the same way as he did seeing that you’ve always around his group.”
“Jamie!” Ste was stunned beyond belief at what Jamie said. He gently lifted Jamie’s chin so that their eyes met again. In Jamie’s eyes, Ste could see the glistening of tears started to form. Ste gently began to wipe them away before caressing Jamie’s cheeks with the softest touch that he could manage. "I would never think that of you" Ste's tried to firmly reassure Jamie. “Not after all you’ve done for me all these years, Jamie”
“Listen to me. McBride always shoots his mouth off before his brain finishes the thought. While there is no excuse for him to treat you the way he does, he’s not half as bad when you get to know him.”
“If you say so, Ste.” Jamie only managed a weak smile as the thought getting to know McBride better was not something that he was looking forward to.
Ste saw how much McBride had hurt Jamie regardless of what he said to indicate otherwise. In way what Jamie was going through with McBride was no different from what he himself was facing at home. Ste realised that he had to do something to change the situation for Jamie at school. It was the least that he could do for Jamie now that he had given him this special gift of his love. “Things will change soon, Jamie” Ste silently promised to himself as he glanced to meet Jamie’s smile.
For once in his life, that change was truly something Ste was looking forward to. One of many that will happen on this one night to remember.
I initially didn’t wanted to end this story here. I had this plan to try to write out this romantic and , dare I say it, erotic encounter between the two boys as they discovered the love that they had for each other. It was suppose to be my first attempt at writing anything remotely steamy.
I guess in hindsight, what turned out was steamy as in a steaming pile of crap. It’s hard not to disown my attempt at trying to write a sex scene when even I find it hard not to laugh out loud at my pathetic attempts to describe it. Once I started, I immediately realise that I can’t write a sex scene. Maybe it is because I’m a prude in real life or just because I have less experience at it than a eunuch but everything that came out of that attempt was totally embarrassing to read.
Maybe one day I will be able to finally overcome my hang-ups to be able to finish this story as I envisioned it when I first started writing it. Till then, I just have to end this story at this point.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Read - Part 1