A Night To Remember - Part 1

Don't really know what to post about today but I felt that I need to keep this new motivation for blogging moving forward. I guess I should think about something to write about soon.

Anyway ... as part of my new resolve to start writing again, I would like to share some of the pieces that I did before back when I was just briming with creative juices. I was also inspired back then by Jonathan Harvey's "Beautiful Thing", a movie that is still close to my heart, when I wrote this original piece. For those who know the movie, this piece of fictional prose expands on what I think happens after the Peppermint lotion scene between Jamie and Ste in Jamie's beadroom. Some of us will of course know how the scene ends in the movie but for those who don't, "Beautiful Thing" is a movie really worth watching at least once in your life time so go find it to find out what happens in the movie.

I must warn you that this is the original unedited draft of the story so there are bound to be a lot of gramatical and word choice mistakes since I am my worst editor. I hope that it would not be too distracting when you read it.

Part 2 will be posted next week.

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A Night To Remember - Part 1

Jamie's mind was racing! "Shite! You're diving off the deep end now, Gangle" he thought.

After years of yearning for the boy next door, it had boiled down to this one moment. Just moments before he had done the impossible. He kissed Ste on the lips. Ste, the object of his fantasy and desires for all these years. Jamie had expected a fist to his face for taking advantage of Ste's emotional state but was surprised to find none. Ste's soulful eyes did not flamed with anger. Instead it reflected a longing that Jamie never imagined he would see outside the confines of the mirror that he himself looked into every day. Could this be true? Could he ever hope to imagine that Ste felt even the slightest bit of desire for him? Glancing back to those soulful eyes, Jamie tried to show his steely resolve and hoped that his expression would not betray him.

“Can I touch you?” Jamie said softly with pleading eyes that did indeed betrayed his resolve.

Ste tried valiantly not to show his obvious elation upon hearing Jamie’s request. He was still overcome by the soft feel of Jamie’s lips on his. The kiss only lasted a moment but it felt like a whole eternity to Ste. The soft lips left a tingle that Ste could not really comprehend. “Why do I feel this way? I’ve been kissed by another boy, for heaven’s sake. I should be disgusted but I’m not! ” Ste calmly thought to himself. For the first time he felt that here was someone who didn’t want to cause him hurt. It was a strange and confusing experience to feel another’s touch and not wanting to flee from it. As Ste looked into Jamie’s eyes, a feeling of absolute longing started to wash over him like a wave that washes away the foot prints that mar the beauty of an untouched beach.

Taking in a deep breath, Ste softly said “I’m a bit sore”.

“Yeah” Jamie answered softly. “Is this a denial or an invitation?” Jamie wondered silently. Hesitantly, he reached out to caress Ste’s face tenderly. Feather-light, his finger traced the soft curves of the face that has been so close and yet so far way from him for so long. Ste did not turn away from Jamie’s soft touch. He was still bewildered by the tenderness that he had thought that he would never experience again after the death of his mother so long ago. In a way, Jamie’s touch tonight reminded Ste of his mother. Jamie had the same look in his eyes as she did. The look of unconditional love given freely to another. There would be no questions asked and no demands requested for what was given tonight. “Am I ready for this? How far will this go?” Ste silently pondered.

As he looked into the twin brown pools of Ste’s eyes, Jamie’s fingers slowly begun their slow spiral downwards to Ste’s chest. Through the material of the T-shirt, Jamie felt that Ste was trembling ever so slightly. “There’s a slight wind blowing tonight but it’s not that cold. Why is Ste shivering?” Jamie winced internally. As sudden as the realisation came to him, it suddenly dawned to Jamie that Ste might have something else in his mind at that moment. “He’s disgusted! He thinks that I’m a dirty queer taking advantage of him! He’s shivering because he’s disgusted by my touch!” Jamie’s anguished thoughts screamed at him. Just as he was about to lift his hand from Ste’s chest, Ste moved his left arm over his head to allow more access to the soft fingers that were delicately tracing loving circles on his chest. An acceptance of the gift being given. A door of opportunity opening for Jamie. The circle begins again.

Conflicting thoughts were racing in Ste’s mind. “This is wrong! Why did you let Jamie touch you? You’re not queer! He says that it doesn’t matter but it matters to you!” his rational mind screamed. “Why should it matter? Deep down inside you’ve been dreaming of this. Face facts, you stupid git! How many times that you’ve prayed to have someone whose touch didn’t cause you pain. Jamie’s fingers are not hurting you! They’re showing you love. What else do you want?” Ste’s emotional side countered. The open warfare that raged between the rational and emotional sides caused Ste to shiver slightly. “I need this tonight! I’ll sort it out in the morning but tonight I need to know that I am loved by someone again” Ste concluded decisively. His emotional side had won the battle. Slowly he raised his arm out of the way to give Jamie permission to continue. A silent apology to Jamie for ever doubting his gift of love that has been missing from Ste’s life for so long.

“I’ll stop if you feel uncomfortable with this, Ste” Jamie’s soft whisper jolted Ste from his thoughts.

“No, Jamie. Please don’t stop what you’re doing. It’s OK with me, Jamie. It feels good actually” Ste blurted and quickly blushed in embarrassment at his over eagerness.

“Are you sure?” Jamie hesitantly looked into the eyes whose owners he had been worshipping from afar.

With a shy nod, Ste whispered softly “Yeah”.

With a shy smile, Jamie continued his gentle exploration for every inch of Ste’s chest. Through his T-shirt, Jamie sensed that Ste was becoming more relaxed at his touch. It was Jamie’s turn to shiver slightly at that thought. Here he was with his hands on the one person that ever mattered in his life other than his Mum. “I can’t believe that this is really happening to me.” Jamie’s mind racing at the thought. “Ste! In my bed! Me touching him! Showing him how much I loved him!” Jamie closed his eyes to concentrate all of his senses to the tips of his fingers as they made their deliberate journey around Ste’s chest. He has memorized the chest of the person beside him for so long that Jamie didn’t need to look at it to know all the soft curves, peaks and valleys. Every detail of Ste’s body was as familiar as his in his mind’s eye.

Taking in a deep breath, Ste shyly looked at this person who was showing him that another person’s touch can be comforting. “Jamie. The boy next door. Why didn’t I see it before?” Ste silently anguished. “I knew he liked me but I never dreamed that he fancied me as well. A good for nothing as Ronnie and Trevor would always remind me. I don’t deserve to find someone like this” his silent recriminations surfaced to remind Ste of who he was. As fast as the doubts came to mind, his body begun to banish them away as it started to respond to Jamie’s lingering touch. A blush crept steadily to colour his cheeks as Ste realised how his body was betraying him. He had yet to recover from the embarrassing reaction when Jamie rubbed the soothing lotion on his back and now his body was yet again announcing its delight at being this close to Jamie. Glancing at Jamie, Ste let out a soft sigh of relieve when he saw that Jamie had his eyes closed. “At least he won’t notice what his touch is doing to me.” Ste thought shyly. Closing his own eyes and smiling sheepishly, he thought “You’re a randy one, Steven Pearce! One touch and you’re about to climb the walls”. At that very moment, Ste was suddenly jolted from his thoughts by the sensations that quickly overwhelmed his brain. A sudden intake of breath was all that Ste could managed when he realised that Jamie’s fingers had brushed lightly over his nipple.

The sound of Ste being surprised was deafening to Jamie’s heighten senses. He quickly pulled his hand off Ste’s chest and looked at the angelic face beside him. Ste’s face was contorted in an expression that Jamie never saw before. “What have I done? Pain! Ste’s in pain! I’ve hurt him!” Jamie thought with a sudden tear escaping his eyes. Quickly sitting up, Jamie moved slightly away from Ste and looked away to hide the tears that begun streaming down his cheeks. “Bugger! I was too rough and touched where I shouldn’t. Tonight was meant to be special and I ended up hurting my poor Ste. My poor, lovely angel. I’m a clumsy fool who can’t even do this right” he chided himself for his own stupidity as the dam that was holding back his tears washed away.

“What was that!” Ste thought as he collected his wits after the onslaught of passion subsided. He never knew that a single touch could elicit such response from his body. For a moment he had felt that a universe of stars had exploded all at once behind his eyelids lighting up the dark corners of his soul with unimaginable brilliance. He was still trying to clear the spots from his eyes when he noticed that the loving touch that had sparked the fireworks of desire was no longer there. Suddenly Ste realised that felt alone again without the reassuring pressure of Jamie’s touch. A lump of sadness settled in his throat when he opened his eyes and saw Jamie sitting up and looking away from him. Jamie’s silhouette was framed by the soft moonlight that was coming in through the windows of Jamie’s bedroom and Ste could clearly see that his guardian angel’s body was shaking slightly. Slowly Ste raised himself off the bed and sat facing Jamie’s slightly shuddering back. Hesitantly, he raised his arm and placed his hand gently on the shoulders of the person who moments ago had open the door to a new dimension of emotions that Ste never knew existed with a single light brush of his fingertips.

“What’s wrong Jamie?” the concern in Ste’s soft whisper pierced the wall of sadness that surrounded Jamie.

Jamie did not turn around. His body shuddered with silent sobs. Ste’s soft voice did not console him this time as he realized that he was no better than Ronnie or Trevor for hurting Ste.

“Why are you crying, Jamie?” Ste’s voice came out more insistent that he had planned. He could not bear to listen to the soft sobs of the person who had only begun to show him how a touch doesn’t always mean pain. Jamie had stirred something deep inside him that he had thought that he had forgotten and now suddenly he felt much more alone than he had ever been before Jamie’s touch. The gaping hole of loneliness that Jamie left behind when he withdrew his hands threaten to engulf him. Ste was clinging to Jamie’s shoulders in hopes of a lifeline that would pull him to safety.

“I’ve hurt you! I was too rough!” Jamie managed to blurt out between the sobs that was welling up from his heaving heart.

“What?” Ste stammered as he blinked away the stray tear from his eyes on seeing his friend overwhelmed by a sadness that he didn’t understand.

“Your bruises! I didn’t mean to, Ste. I touched the bruise on your chest and that hurt you!” Jamie was inconsolable.

“Shite! He really thinks that he hurt me!” Ste suddenly realized the cause for Jamie’s sobbing. He had never thought that he would see the day that someone would actually cry for causing him pain. A silent thanks rang out from the deepest part of his soul to God for allowing him to find such a person when he himself had given up on the notion. Here, as he sat on Jamie’s bed, he finally found someone who would rather die than cause him even the slightest bit of discomfort. Wiping away the tear that rolled unconsciously down his cheek, Ste decided to make Jamie understand that he did not do anything wrong.

“Jamie. Please turn around.” Ste increased the pressure on Jamie’s shoulder in hopes that it would rouse him from his sadness and see the light of reason. Slowly he turned Jamie around to face him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry …” Jamie kept repeating the same words over and over again as tears trickle down his downcast face.

Ste moved to put his hands on either side of Jamie’s head. “Shhh, stop crying, Jamie. Look up. Look at my face. Please!” Ste pleaded gently unsure of what to do to stop this flow of tears.

Jamie was still shaking with sobs as Ste gently lifted his face so that they can look into each other’s eyes. Jamie’s eyes were red with tears and puffy around the edges. Ste had a slight smile of gratitude on his face. “Those tears are for your pain, Steven Pearce. Cherish them as they are the first in a long time shed for your pain. Show him that he was never the cause of your pain tonight or on any night” his mind whispered softly. “But how?” Ste searched frantically for an answer. “You know how, Ste” a small unearthly whisper suddenly broke through the confusion in his mind.

(to be continued)