It's Time To Change

Long time readers of my blog and those who know me personally outside on this space know full well my issues with my personal appearance. No matter how much people try to convince me that I don’t look half bad relative to the trolls that roam the dark backrooms in KL, I still have to physically restrain myself from breaking each mirror every time I catch my own reflection in them. In my mind’s eye, I can’t lose enough weight fast enough for me to be comfortable in my own body. It got worse as I grew older and start yearning for physical intimacies because I could not bring myself to take my clothes off in front of another person no matter how much I wanted to. If I can’t bear looking at myself unclothed in front of the mirror without feeling disgusted, how can I expect another to not have the same disgust when they look at me?

Fortunately for me and my sanity, I like to think that there is still hope. 2006 turned out to be the first time that my yearly resolution to lose weight really got accomplished. I started 2006 weighing 89kg and by the time 2007 rolled around, I had lost 9 kg and at least 2 waistband size. I think that I managed to do this by changing my eating habits … eating half the portions size that I used to, eating better food and cutting out as much junk from my diet as my cravings can let me. Somehow I tapped into the same willpower that have helped me to be successfully nicotine free for the last 3 years which still amazes me considering how much of a cigarette fiend I was back then. This well of willpower will be something that I would really need this coming year.

For 2007, I have made it a goal for me to lose even more weight than I did last year. I need to do this not only so that I can feel better about myself but also as a precautionary measure since I’m fairly sure that my previously diagnosed borderline hypertension would have been upgraded to full blown just-waiting-for-a-stroke-to-happen by now. At 33 (ok … 34 next month), it’s almost a sin not to take better care of yourself if one wanted to live out the remainder of your life in the best of health. I like to think that what I do now in terms of my health and well being at this point of my life will pay out in dividends when I turn 50 if I live that long that is.

To beat my previous record of losing 9kgs, I have decided to not only continue my existing dietary habits but to couple that with moderate workouts. Other than my daily 1 hour round trip walk to work, I haven’t really done much in terms of working out in the past year. If I could lose 9kgs just with my walks, just imagine how much more weight I could lose if I just got off my fat ass and start excising more. The thought was enough to get me to dust off my old neglected exercise machine and start using it again after years it sat rusting quietly in my storage room. I have only been using it about 30 minutes per session every other day for the past 2 weeks and was pleasantly surprised how much I feel that I could really get into this again. I did some free weights back when I was in college but never really stuck to it much to my disappointment now. I’m fairly sure that if I were to put in as much effort as I do in being substance free into working out, I would be able to meet my goal of achieving my optimum body weight. Hopefully by doing that, I would also be able to tone up my body so at least I will no longer have the urge to tempt 7 years of bad luck every time I see myself in the mirror.

There is a new gym opening up near my apartment that is having a pre-opening membership drive that I have been considering to sign up. I already have a free gym facility that I could go to at my workplace but I have been too self conscious to go to since everyone who goes to that gym know me from work. They also do not offer any trainers to help map out a workout plan in my office gym which I really need if I achieve my goals. The facilities being offered at this new gym looks promising as well as the classes that they offer free to members. The only drawback is that I have to sign up for a whole year membership contract for the first year before being able to opt out in the second year if I wanted to. At RM 115 per month, I’m not sure if it is considered a good value since I have never had to pay for gym membership before. I guess that I have to ask around some of my friends who I know are gym goers to see it the price seems reasonable. If it is, then is a good chance that I will treat myself to a gym membership this year.

If I do, I guess I’ll be shopping for a gym buddy as well to keep me motivated :-)