Feeling My Age

Age is really catching up to me.

I had the most difficult time trying to stay awake at the office today. I guess that all those long nights this past weekend has started to exact their toll on my concentration. It used to be that I wouldn’t be easily fazed by staying up all night partying or engaging in night long game marathons. Nowadays I immediately out like a light the moment my head hits the pillow at midnight. Good thing that I don’t have any social life after office hours to speak of or I’ll be just be embarrassing myself by doing Cinderella impressions every time I go out. I’ve tried taking a few food supplements to help increase my energy levels but while it helps to get through the day, I still feel totally drained after I come back from work.

My age is also showing through the amount of grey hair that I find every morning. I don’t know if it is a valid medical condition but my hair has been graying out gradually since I was in my early twenties. I’m sure that it is not genetics as my father and grandfather didn’t turn grey until they turned fifty and none of my brothers share the same affliction. It has gotten to the point that I have to regularly dye my hair to cover the grey areas that are mostly concentrated on the sides of my head. I don’t mind forgoing the now frequent need to color my hair if the grey areas come out uniformly. At least that would look somewhat distinguished but unfortunately for me, mine grows out in patches that really stand out to a casual viewer.

At least I am lucky enough that I have somewhat clear skin. Even after hitting puberty, I never had much trouble with acne unlike the other people around me. Of course, my life-long obsession with face-washing helped in that regards. I actually feel compelled to keep my face oil-free at all times that sometimes I think that it borders an obsessive compulsive behavior pattern. Years of going through this ritual has left me with a clear but dry skin which is equally as bad as having acne scars especially when my wrinkles start to show. I have to admit that there was a time that I would scoff at the idea of having to use face creams and such but nowadays I find them a necessity in order to feel comfortable with myself.

I could rant on and on for days about the things that I wished that I could change as I grow older. I’ve always had this problem with self image which has partly caused me to avoid the glare of any type of attention as well as feel inferior to other people. Day after day, the checklist of things needing more attention start to grow longer and I guess that I have to one day wake up and accept all these changes. Change is an inevitable constant in life that the sooner I begin to accept them, the better off I would be. Of course I guess that this wouldn’t be this much of a problem if I’ve already found that special someone to grow old with. At least then I have another person to share the journey of counting the years together as we go through this life.