Another Item Crossed Off My "To Do" List

It started off as a challenge.

A challenge to try something that I’ve never done before.

After numerous times sitting watching other people’s words being acted on stage in KLPac and wondering if I could do any better.

I decided to write a 10 minute play for submission to this year’s edition of the Short+Sweet Theater festival.

But where and more importantly how to start?

First of all, I had to overcome the nagging fear that I have nothing really substantial to say and that I have neither the skill nor talent to write a stage play. It looked like a big bump in the road for me until I realized that I would never know if I could do it unless I give it a try.

“The worst that could happen was that it turned out to be a pile of crap that people would rather burn than read”, I rationalize.

I wonder if all other writers had to go through the same things when they first started their piece. I even went as far as enrolling myself in the Short+Sweet Playwriting Workshop last Apr to learn how to start my piece. I ended up skipping it on the very morning it was suppose to start due to an attack of nerves and fear of having my work publically dissected as part of the workshop activities. I would later find out that my fears were unfounded and I had missed fairly enlightening session learning about the structure and conventions of writing a 10 minute play that would have greatly helped my own writing journey.

Once I realized the missed opportunity due to my own insecurities, I decided to ignore the doubting voices in my head and listen instead to the voices that had a story to tell. Thanks to the information that I found online (http://www.10-minute-plays.com/), I figured out a story structure that was simple enough for me to understand and feel less intimidated to work with.

Pages 1 to 2: Set up the world of your main character.
Pages 2 to 3: Something happens to throw your character’s world out of balance.
Pages 4 to 7: Your character struggles to restore order to his world.
Page 8: Just when your character is about to restore order, something happens to complicate matters.
Pages 9 to 10: Your character either succeeds or fails in his attempt to restore order.

Excerpt from “TEN-MINUTE PLAY STRUCTURE”, 10-Minutes-Play.com

Thanks to the page breakdowns and the tips I found on the “HOW TO WRITE A 10-MINUTE PLAY” link on the same side, I was finally on my way to actually writing my first 10 minute play. My first attempt started out strong but became longer and longer as I started to write it. Trying to fit the story that I had in my head into the confines of the page constraints was as easy as trying to herd cats around. It forced me to stop and look at what I was doing wrong and I figured out that the problem was that I was writing strictly to the format instead of actually writing a story.

I ended up restarting my piece from scratch with a different story. I reminded myself to keep it to festival’s title, short and sweet, and more importantly write from something that I personally know. It was quite surprising that on the 2nd attempt, the story came out easier from my head to paper and by the end of the 2nd day of writing, I had practically wrote down 9 minutes of the story. It was that that point that I hit another snag in my Short+Sweet playwriting journey which was how to end my story.

Trying to find a satisfactory ending to my script was the hardest part of my writing journey. None of the endings that I’ve came up with at that point really worked. In my mind, I had to find an ending that I hoped would not only serve the story but also leave a mark with the audience. I went with one of the ending which I thought was best but was never really satisfied with because not only would it made the piece much darker in the end but it was also felt a bit overused to me since I’ve seen dark twists done in other plays before.

I was fortunate that I had a friend who read my script and immediately highlighted the weak way that the story ended. A single enlightening comment from him gave me the inspiration to totally revise the ending into the one that I have for the story now. If it was not for the peer review, I would not have been set on the path towards writing a much better ending that I felt good about to end the story. The experience enforced the notion that a writer needs someone to read what they have written for a fresh perspective that we would have lost by virtue of being so closely linked to the piece that we have written.

With a completed script in hand, I felt ready to submit it to be considered for the Short+Sweet 2009 Theater festival. I didn’t really think much of it after the submission until I found an email from the festival director in my inbox congratulating me on the acceptance of the script for the festival to be performed on stage no less. My words were going to be delivered by actors on stage! Needless to say, I was ecstatic for the whole week.

What started as a challenge was now an accomplishment and I could safely tick it off my list of things to do in life.

(This blogger’s 10 minute play is currently being performed at klpac in the Short+Sweet Theater 2009 festival from 12 – 15th Aug)

4 Years Free

This week marks the 4th year I have been nicotine free.

During those 4 years, I have only had 1 puff from a lighted cigarette which was enough to cause a coughing fit and brought me close enough to want to barf the meal I had earlier. This was a far cry from my 3 pack a day habit back in 2003 before I decided to quit. Nowadays, I try to place myself upwind from any smokers around me to avoid having to deal with the nausea due to second hand smoke. I try not to be too militant about it but I generally try to arrange it so that any smokers with me would have a less than ideal opportunity to light up as long as I can help it.

Trying to quit smoking was not easy for me. In fact it was a hellish time in my life that I would never want to ever have to go through again. Heck … it was an experience that I wouldn’t even want to wish on my enemies. It took all of my will power to get me through those dark days into a smoke free life. It was one of the earlier milestones in life that proved to me that regardless what I think, I do have the will power to go through something that I have set myself up to. It didn’t have to take an outside intervention or big push from someone that got me to quit. It just took my realization that if I don’t quit, I would just get worse faster than I would get better.

My life has changed since I decide to stop smoking. Other than the obvious health benefits, the way I live out my daily routine had to be adapted to a smoke-free existence. I didn’t lose any of my smoking buddies but I had to met up with them in different situations instead of the habitual gathering around the ashtray bin for a group smoke. I stopped going out to clubs as I became more sensitized to the amount of second hand smoke in them (on top of being over the age group that one became seen as a troll in those places). I started to become more health conscious especially while trying to lose all that weight I gained after quitting the cancer stick.

Do I feel tempted to smoke? I would be lying if I said I don’t. There have been times that the temptation was so strong that I found myself very close to succumbing to it. There were so many reasons that I could make up to justify why I would be OK with lighting up just that once but then I remind myself of the hell that I went through to stop. Granted that the temptations come less and less as the years go by but it’s still there in the back of my mind patiently waiting for a moment of weakness. It is up to me to remain vigilant against the slide back into nicotine dependency.

Do I regret my years as a smoker? A part of me does but then there is this other part of me that takes it as a life learning experience. Being a smoker back then opened doors and social opportunities that I would have not got had I not smoke a cigarette in my life. I’ve met fellow smoker friends who I would have not gotten a chance to talk to had I not had to bum a light. There was a point in my life back then when I would equate the level of trust with the willingness to let someone bum a smoke. If I had never started smoking, I would have never had to go through an ordeal that proved to me the extant of what I was able to accomplish if only I put my mind to it.

What I tell people now is that if you don’t smoke, don’t start. It’s a hard habit to break and something that won’t provide any beneficial returns in the long run. For those who are currently smoking, I would just ask them to look at the reasons why they are smoking. Those reason may have long been moot so consider whether they still need to fulfill that reason by smoking. I have no problems with people who continue to smoke. I just wished that I could stand closer to these people and not feel like I need to puke at the first whiff of their breath. Wouldn’t it make more sense to be able to talk face to face instead of having to stand a few feet upwind from the smokers?

The Passing of An Era

It would not be an exaggeration if I say that we will mark an end of an era in Malaysia’s history tomorrow. After 22 years of having the responsibility of the stewardship of our country, Datuk Seri Dr Mahathir bin Muhammad will officially step down as Malaysia’s fourth Prime Minister and hand over the responsibility to his chosen successor, Datuk Seri Abdullah bin Badawi. For many of the people of my age, Dr. M has been the only Prime Minister that we know and remember as we were too young to remember or understand how the country worked under the guidance of the late Tun Hussein Onn. Like people of my generation, we learn about the country and system of government in Civics class at school and it was during those classes that I became aware about the greater scope of our nation and what government was. It wasn’t really that much of a political revelation for me since I was only 8 years old at the time but when I first watch Dr. M took the oath to be come the next Prime Minister back in 1981, I remember understanding that we were then under the guidance of a new leader for our country.

Growing up with Malaysia under Dr. M’s leadership, I remember a few of the early policies that he implemented. One of the earliest that I remember was the implementation of the punch clock at all government offices and agencies to ensure that civil servants came to work on time. I remember this distinctly because they had a special assembly at my primary school when they first started the punch clock for our teachers. We also started a class room “punch clock” where each student had an attendance “punch card” that we would get the teacher who monitored the school gate to sign when we come to school. I remember feeling so proud and adult-like for having my own punch card although I did lose it a few times during the school year.

Another of Dr. M’s early policies that I remember vividly was the “Look East” Policy that encouraged us to emulate the successes of the people of Japan in terms of making their country an economic powerhouse in the 80’s. I remembered being drilled with the Japanese work ethics and how we were not suppose to only be dependent on the nations of the Western Hemisphere. Looking back, I have to say that this policy helped Malaysians to change our post-colonial mindset that everything Western was a commandment. By showing us what Asian are capable of in the case of Japan’s success, Dr. M paved the way for Malaysians to realize that we were as good as they were and that we, as a nation, could easily have the same successes if put our minds to it. I personally feel that the “Look East” policy was the my earliest inspirations to try to work harder to get better after realizing that if the Japanese can do it, we can do it too.

In the 22 years that he was in office, we have seen Malaysia transformed from a sleepy agricultural backwater to become one of Asia’s economic tigers. We were posting impressive economic growths year after year until the last Asian Monetary Crisis which was relatively painless compared to other countries in the region thanks to the Dr. M’s unorthodox financial remedies. It was during this time that we see the country producing the first national car that actually can run on the road much to the dismay of the opposition party members at the time who told us that it was just Dr. M’s pipe dream and that Malaysians could not even make a simple needle much less a whole car. It is ironic that some of the same people who try to belittle Dr. M’s vision of having our own car industry back then now drive the cars produced by the company that they said would never be.

One thing that observers would almost immediately notice in Dr. M’s administration is the drive to be record breakers. In the 22 years that he was in office, he implemented plans to build structures that held the world record for a time. Under Dr. M, Malaysia once held the world record for longest bridge, the highest free standing flag pole and the tallest twin towers at one time or another. I remembered hearing people gossip back then that these record breaking attempts were Dr. M’s way of dealing with his so-called inferiority complex of not being related to royalty as he previous predecessors were. In hindsight, if there was an inferiority complex in play back then, it was our own collective feelings of inferiority that Dr. M was trying to overcome. By showing solid and undeniable proof that we as a people can break records, Dr. M was trying to tell us that we only fail when we refused to even try.

It has not always been smooth sailing during the 22 years Dr. M was in office. I remembered several incidents that left a blemish on the image of his administration. Among those that I remember most are the “Memali” incident, the resignation of his first Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Musa Hitam, the deregistration of UMNO and of course the most infamous incident of the sacking of his third Deputy Prime Minister, Datuk Sri Anwar Ibrahim. Whatever the obstacles that he had to face, he always came out wiser and stronger from these challenges. Of course that there are people who until today still harp on these issue but I for one realize that he did what he had to do for the best of the majority of people in Malaysia. His decisions may not be popular to some but all that he did, in hindsight, clearly has our best interest in mind.

I am proud to have a Prime Minister who is not afraid to say his mind about subjects that are taboo for most people. We have seen him talk and take action against the royal families of Malaysia at a time it was felt that the royals were above the law and brought them down to face the same level of justice that we common folk have to face. He has spoken against the Jews of Israel time and time again in our support of the Palestinian people irregardless of the condemnation and threats that he received from the West. He has tirelessly championed for the cause of the developing countries and against the evils of unchecked process of globalizations. He has spoken against other powerful leaders again and again that other people would not dream of because he believes that he had a right to say his piece that was backed by facts and evidence. Thanks to him a whole new generation of people not only in Malaysia but also in other developing countries now feel that they have a voice that can be heard if they are not afraid to just speak up.

I have only met Dr. M in person once in my life but he left such a lasting impression on me that I could never forget the experience. It happened when I and a few other student leaders were invited to attend a dinner function hosted by the government for student leaders studying in the US. I remembered that we had to line up outside the ballroom and shake his hand when he came by. I remembered being so nervous about this that I was sweating so profusely that by the time that he was standing in front of he, I thought that I would faint straight away. Thankfully I didn’t but I came really close especially when he asked if the name on the name tag that I had on was really my real name. I could hardly believe that he was actually talking to me that I could barely croak out an answer. Just when I thought that things could not be any better, Dr. M actually referred to me by my name in one of his answers during the Q&A session after the dinner. I forgot what the answer was for but somehow my name got dragged into it which of course caused people to turn around trying to find out who this person was. The people who were sitting at my table of course knew my name by then and got a chance to see me do my best impression of a tomato. I didn’t know whether I should be embarrassed or proud that he mentioned my name.

If there is one thing that I would say is Dr. M’s greatest legacy from the 22 years that he was in power, it has been his success in making the whole population in Malaysia realize that we can accomplish anything if we just put our minds to it. His are the ideas and vision that gives new meaning to the often shouted slogan of “Malaysia Boleh” (Malaysia Can). Malaysia can because we have the strong foundation that has been laid down by the forward thinking of this great leader. His successor beginning tomorrow will have an easier time to further bring us forward to our goal of being a developed country by the year 2020 as he will be leading a nation who has been molded to realize that we can make a difference. Dr. M may have his faults but no one can deny the greatness that he as inspired us to strive to achieve. The torch that he passes to the hands of his successor tomorrow is brighter than the one that he accepted 22 years ago by virtue of his wisdom and his strength in leading our proud nation. It is now on our shoulders as a people to ensure that the torch continues to burn bright by working towards the goal of fulfilling Dr. M’s vision of developed Malaysia that can stand proud beside other great nations of the world.

To Datuk Seri Dr. Mahathir Muhammad, thank you for everything that you have done and given to us the people of Malaysia. We would only be able to repay your kindness and sacrifice by continuing your work in our own way in achieving your vision. May you continue to have a long a prosperous life and be able to enjoy your retirement.

One month and counting ...

It has been just over a month since I’ve decided to quit smoking and I thought that it was about time to take stock of what I have been through since then.

I decided to quit smoking partly because I had promised myself that I would quit if the price of a pack of cigarettes went above RM5 which it did after the last tax increase on tobacco. I also thought that I’ve smoked for long enough in my adult life that it would surely hit me back as health problems if I persisted with my nicotine habit. So with those reasons in mind, I choose a Friday to have my last cigarette and quit smoking cold turkey after that. I had to go though some mild withdrawal symptoms from the absence of nicotine in my system for about a week which I have to say freaked me out a bit at the time. Once I passed that hump, it was slightly smooth sailing after that.

About 2 weeks into not smoking, I began to realize that my sense of smell and taste were returning. My nose suddenly became more sensitive to scent than usual that I would often came back from work in the evening with a stuffed nose. I guess that all those cells in my nose that have been burnt off in my years of smoking are beginning to grow back. Smells were getting intense for a time until I was able to get a handle on it. On the plus side as well, my fingers don’t smell of cigarette anymore. I also lost the yellowish tinge that I had before on my finger tips from all the smoking. My sense of taste also recovered from the years of abuse and everything tastes better now. This of course becomes a problem for me as I find myself eating more since I stopped smoking. In the month that I’ve stopped, I’ve put on an additional 5 kg of body weight. My next goal is to start losing that additional weight before the end of the year.

My mother is of course ecstatic to learn that I’ve quit smoking since she has been on my case about it for ages. My dad not so much because me quitting just adds to the pressure that he gets from my mum for him to quit smoking. The people at work have been very supportive of my decision when they notice that I no longer take smoking breaks every hour on the hour as I would usually do. Some of them even go to the extent of supplying me with tidbits to help with the cravings. For a time, I would always find something left on my desk for me when I came into the office in the morning. Good thing that they have stopped that nowadays as it was fast becoming embarrassing. I do still miss my smoking buddies who I would just sit and smoke a cigarette with before. I still would see them in the halls but our conversations feel different compared to the ones we had while on a smoke break. I have only recently trusted myself enough to be able to resist the temptation to smoke at the places that I used to smoke so I might just be able to go back to the familiar smoking corner for a chat with them soon.

Well, a month has passed and I still have 2 months more to beat my old record. I hope I could do it although it is still to early for me to know for sure. A friend of mine who quit sometime back told me that if things get too hard its OK for me to have a cigarette to help tide things over. He says that it is OK as long as I know that I can control it but I’m not too sure that I can if I fall off this bandwagon. At least not yet. I still have a ways to go before I can be sure that I can smoke one cigarette and not revert back to the nicotine fiend I was.

A ways to go before I find the will power to resist, a ways to go before I sleep.

Freedom From Nicotine Dependence

When I decided to start my latest attempt to quit smoking, I had thought that I had everything covered. I went online to do some research about what nicotine withdrawal symptoms that I might encounter. I went shopping and bought a bunch of food supplement pills to help replenish all the minerals and nutrients lost from all those years of smoking. I also went to the extend of buying a bunch of fresh produce and junk food to be used as cigarette substitutes in the event that the craving to light up comes and threaten to overwhelm my resolve. I thought that I was ready and confident to be able to cruise through the experience. Boy ... was I in for a big shock.

The first 4 hours of not smoking went by without any incidents. I did notice a slight case of heartburn but I thought that it was caused more by what I had for dinner instead of me skipping my customary after dinner cigarette. By the time I was ready to turn in for the night, I was so proud of myself that I’ve made through the first 4 hours without a cigarette. Usually I would have had about 6 of them within that time period. Sleep came easy that night and I woke up fairly refreshed the next morning. I also noticed that my mouth doesn’t feel as if it had been scrubbed with sand paper for the first time in I don’t know how long when I woke up that morning. At this point I was thinking that my decision to quit smoking was starting to pay off.

I wanted to test if I could function normally now that I choose not to smoke in an outdoors setting. Since it was a weekend, I decided to follow my usual schedule of going to Sunway Pyramid for lunch to and to pickup a few household items from the store. First thing that I noticed is that my sense of smell seemed heighten by the absence of nicotine in my system. Everything smelled more intense that a trip to the local “BreadStory” store as they were putting out the freshly baked breads for sale was a bit overwhelming. My sense of taste also felt enhanced after 12 hours of not smoking. Everything that I ate or drink that day tasted much more exhilarating. I suddenly found myself rediscovering taste sensations that I’ve burn off so many years ago.

When I got back from my outdoors experiment, I was on a natural high. I was just exhilarated at the new found senses that I continued to test them with the items that I had in the refrigerator. It was not long after that I realized that I almost went through the entire content of my fridge. I was eating non stop everything I had in the fridge and then some of the things that I bought from the store. I tried to stop eating by trying to focus on some other activity but my thoughts came back to what I had left in the fridge. It was a good thing that I didn’t normally keep my fridge fully stocked. As I began to realize that I was bingeing, which was the last thing I wanted to do, my mood shifted to a deep depression. I found myself feeling really down and disgusted with myself. I’ve tried to watch some of my DVDs to get me out of that blue funk but it didn’t help much. The clincher really came when I found myself bawling my eyes out while watching my “E.T. The Extra Terrestrial” DVD even when I’ve already seen the movie about 20 times.

I had the most difficult time falling asleep on the second night partly because I was sweating the whole night. When I did finally get to doze off, I distinctly remembered having flashes of images in my mind that would shortly wake me up. Some of the images that I had were not clear but all of them had the sense of me being in a confined space. I woke up the next day after a very vivid dream of crawling through a hallway that was narrowing to a distant point of light. It took all I had not to wake up screaming from that image but I did find myself soaking wet from sweat. Even after taking a cold shower I still felt hot and found myself sweating. I tried everything to control the sweat from coming out in buckets but nothing works for awhile. All I could do was to stay hydrated and wait it out.

My newly enhanced sense of smell wasn’t really helping me at the time. All I could smell was my own sweat and odors which basically made me more than a little nauseated. The whole morning I was switching back and forth between wanting to puke my guts out and wanting to devour everything that I had left in the fridge. I felt light headed and I knew that I had to eat something but I couldn’t for fear of vomiting the moment I eat something. It got worse as the day dragged on as I found myself feeling extremely cold although it was quite hot outside. I just had to bundle up in my blankets as I found myself shivering and yet I was still sweating like a pig. I’ve seen video clips of drug addicts who quit drugs cold turkey undergoing the same things that I was going through. Was I that addicted to nicotine that I have to go through the same jitters that they did? Or is all this just in my head?

I didn’t get any sleep at all the night that followed. I had to keep two bottles of plain water by my bedside as I was feeling thirsty all the time that night. When I woke up to prepare for work on Monday morning I found out that I’ve passed the excessive sweating phase of the withdrawal but I looked like a total wreak in the mirror. I had hoped that I would only need the weekend to deal with the withdrawal symptoms but it seems that I was not out of the woods yet. Since I did not plan to take any day-off from work this week, I had to come into the office looking pale and quite sickly. I tried to slink into the office unnoticed but I quickly found my moods begun to take the better of me. I found myself getting easily irritated by small things that were happening in the office and a little bit paranoid at the slightest things. I’ve also discovered that my finger tips felt numbed and that I found it difficult to type anything with them. This of course made me more frustrated with myself so much that I almost got into a major argument with a co-worker.

When my boss found out about my near outburst, he called me into the office and then immediately told me to go and see the company doctor immediately. I told him that I was trying to quit smoking and that I blamed nicotine withdrawal for my outburst (although to tell the truth, I’ve been waiting for a long time to give that particular co-worker a piece of my mind). Although my boss applauded my decision to quit smoking, he told me that I should have not come to work in my condition. He gave me the rest of the day off with instructions to go to the company doctor and get something to help me deal with this problem. When I went to the doctor and told him what had happened, he of course congratulated me on my decision. He has been on my case for the longest time to get me to quit smoking ever since I start seeing him for medical checkups. He asked me to describe all that I have been through and at the end of it prescribed something to help me sleep and some nicotine gum if the symptoms get any worse.

I’m happy to say that 24 hours later, I finally think that the worst of the withdrawal phase is behind me now. I feel calmer now and much more in control. I still have to be mindful of how much food I eat but I think I can rein that problem in. I still feel a bit sore through out my whole body but I think that it is still manageable. I’ve also learned that if I never picked up smoking, I would never have to go though the horrendous 4 days that I just went through. Now that that’s all in the past now (I hope), I have to next focus on modifying my behavior so that I would not need to smoke again in the future.

It has been 5 days without a cigarette and still counting.

Going Through Nicotine Withdrawals

4 days and counting.

I apologize to have to skip today's blog entry on the account that I'm currently feeling like a steaming pile of cow-pie.

I never imagined that the nicotine withdrawal from not smoking would be this bad. I was told to go and see a doctor by my boss today since I came to work looking more than a little green around the gills. I've been breaking into cold sweats for no apparent reason and my whole body aches. I have more mood swings these past 4 days than a pregnant lady and to top things off, I can't feel the tips of my fingers which makes typing a challenge.

I just hope these withdrawal symptoms will pass tomorrow or else I'm really screwed.

Friday Five

I’ve officially started my latest attempt at trying to quit smoking as of 8pm tonight. I went though what I hope will be the last cigarette I will ever smoke with little fanfare although they have been a part of my live for nearly 15 years. If I factor in the current inflation rates and the price of a pack of cigarettes today, I would have already spent about RM59,130.00 (USD15,560.50) in cigarettes alone in all those years. That is a lot of money up in smoke. I think I will make a sign up with this figure printed on it and post it somewhere near my bed to remind me how much money I could have saved if I never started smoking to begin with. It would be the first and the last thing that I see every day.

So ... this is day 1 of my quest to be nicotine free. I’m sure that I will start having withdrawal symptoms any minute now. Just hope that this time around I will have more will power to avoid the temptation than the last time I tried. That sorry attempt only lasted about 3 months before I caved in. We’ll see how this one goes. In the meantime ... I’m off to watch the new season of Survivor on TV tonight.

Before I forget (or get too jittery to think straight, whichever comes first), this week’s Friday Five questions are answered below:

1. Who is your favorite singer/musician? Why?
I have a bunch of them that I like but if I could only pick one then I would have to say I’ll pick the Irish boyband, Westlife. I know ... it is corny to like boybands but I count it as one of my OGTs. The 5 members of Westlife are a bunch of energetic, very talented and seriously cute young men. The music that they make can be described as up-beat pop, soulful ballads and whimsical ditties. I’ve been following this group from the very first time they broke into the business and started to make a name for themselves. I’ve watched them grow and mature as performing artiste with each album that they release. It also doesn’t hurt that their Irish accents just makes me weak at the knees and yes ... I perfectly know that I’m being shallow about it.

2. What one singer/musician can you not stand? Why?
I haven’t found anyone that I immediately hate at first listen. Maybe this is because I avoid listening to things that I would expect that I would not like but then this doesn’t stop me from trying them out if the mood hits me. I guess if there was anyone that I came even close to a smidgen of hate; it would have to be The Artiste Formally Known as a Symbol, Prince. I never could listen to his songs without wanting to poke my eardrums with a sharp pencil.

3. If your favorite singer wasn't in the music business, do you think you would still like him/her as a person?
The boys from Westlife? Definitely. I’ve seen them live, up close and personal, before and I really like they way they interact with people even with those who never heard of them. They really project a down to earth persona that can only come from within a person and not something that their PR people teach. I would think that even if they were not in a popular band as they are now, I would like having them around to hang out with.

4. Have you been to any concerts? If yes, who put on the best show?
I’ve been to a few concerts by both local and international performers and I have to say that the ones that I enjoyed most were the Westlife concerts. I’ve been to every concert they’ve done in Malaysia to date and always had a good time.

5. What are your thoughts on downloading free music online vs. purchasing albums? Do you feel the RIAA is right in its pursuit to stop people from downloading free music?
If the music is listed as free by the copyright owner, I don’t see why downloading them is a problem. However, from what I’ve read about the RIAA issue, they are going after people who infringe on copyright laws by downloading and sharing music/songs which are not being given away for free. In away, this is within their prerogative to ask people to stop unauthorized downloading and sharing of copyrighted material.

Remembering 9/11

In every generation there exist a moment in time, a milestone in history that would forever change the outlook of the whole generation. For many of my generation, this significant moment came in the early mornings of September 11th 2001. It was on this day that the world as we knew it changed in a blink in an eye. It was a day of great tragedy and loss for not only the American people but also for many more around the world. It was the day that innocence died along side thousands of people trapped in the crumbling monument which was symbolic of American economic success and achievements. It was the day that became the day of infamy for people of my generation and other generations that will follow until they in turn became complacent again. It was the day that the New York World Trade Center was reduced to rubble by two commercial airplanes hijacked by those whose disregard of innocent lives will mark them forever as monsters and sinners.

On that fateful day, I was reading a Harry Potter book and was just about ready to turn in for the night when S suddenly called me and told me to turn on the TV to the news. The first pictures that I saw didn’t make sense to me as it didn’t occur to me that anything like this could have happened. By the time the realization hit me that I was not watching something out of a disaster movie; I finally recognized the landmark that they were showing burning on TV. I was totally confused at what had caused it and S had to fill me in since he saw more of it before he called me. We both watched in horror as we saw several people shouting out of windows in the first tower with thick smoke billowing out behind them. We watched with terror at scenes of people plunging to their deaths in their desperate attempt to escape the fiery deathtrap. We watched with disbelieve at the scenes of the second airplane plunging down out of a sky like an unholy spear striking deep into the flesh that was New York to ultimately seal the fate of all the unfortunate souls who were present in the building on that fateful day.

We continued to watch until there was nothing else to watch. When we finally processed the horrific images that we had seen on live TV, all we had was our shared grief and questions on what had happened. We both had friends in the US and were very concerned about how they were. We were concerned about how this will impact Malaysia being halfway around the world where this great tragedy had occurred. S and I talked long and hard on the possibilities of a World War happening in our immediate future and whether or not we will ever be ready for it. We talked through the night, trying to assure each other that things will turn out right but deep in out hearts we both knew that things would never been the same again. When we ran out of words to say, we both sat there in silence, connected only by the phone line as we tried to take comfort in each others presence.

I woke up the following day with a numbness of being that I have seldom felt before. The first thing that I remembered wanting to do was to get to the newsstand and get all the papers that I could. I could swear that I have never bought that many newspapers in a day before or anytime after that day. All the newspapers printed in Malaysia on that day carried pages and pages of reports of what had happened in New York and I read every line of each report. Little by little, I began to piece together the puzzle of what had happened and with each piece that fell into place, I grew more and more despondent and angry. I was angry at the soulless killers who thought that they would achieve martyrdom by bathing in the blood of innocent people. I was angry at the people who besmirched the principles of Islam and manipulated the religion to incite acts to unimaginable stupidity and horror. I was angry at those who professed to be a person of faith and yet so willing to break the covenant with Allah by committing self-slaughter.

I spent the better part of that day and the day that followed wallowing in my anger before I finally decided that I would channel my anger to something more productive. I decided that this event will not impact how I move forward in this life. I vowed to continue to life as I have done before as if this act of terror never left its mark on me. I found myself thinking about the line about fear being the mind killer from Frank Herbert’s Dune and came to the realization that dwelling in fear will only give victory to those whose final act in this world was to incite fear and terror. Life had to go on and that I now share the burden of my generation to see that something like the events of September 11th, 2001 would never happened again anywhere in this world.

Two years later, the World Trade Center tragedy still resounds clearly in my mind especially on its anniversary. I’ve also seen that the mistakes of the pasts that led to that tragedy being repeated again by both parties in these grievances. I saw shades of the terror returning; this time much closer to home; in the form of the devastating bombing in Bali, Indonesia which happened exactly 1 year, 1 month and 1 day after the tragedy in New York. I saw the inaptitude of the Bush administration in handling the fallout of this horrendous tragedy and the toll in life that is still being paid today in the battlefields of Afghanistan and Iraq. I continue to see the Bush administration’s continued ignorance and willful disregard of the root causes of terrorism as they focus more resources into removing public figures from office in foreign countries while all the long fanning the spark that could easily consume all of us in it’s fiery blaze.

I could rant on and on with the things that are happening in the world today but today is not the day. Today is a day that we take a moment to reflect and remember those who lost their lives on this fateful day two years ago. Today is a day to remember how united we were as member of this global community in condemming this act of terror. Today is a day that we renew our resolve that no act of violence by anyone, to anyone and for whatever reason shall be protected by silence and inaction. We owe it to the victims of the New York World Trade Center, Bali, Afghanistan and Iraq to move forward and work together in trying to avoid such events from happening again. Alone we may not be able to change the world but together we have the power to shake the universe. Together we could bring light to the places where shadows of terror dwell may it be in the darkest caves or the brightest offices of power.

As the day draws to a close for me in Malaysia today, I sending a prayer to those who lost their lives on September 11th, 2001, their friends and families in hopes that Allah will continue to keep them safe from harm and give them the strength to face this day as it begins to dawn on their side of the world. Regardless of their faith, my prayers and thoughts are with them tonight. It is the least that I could do.

My Relationship With Tabacco

I have a sinking sensation that they stopped making my brand of cigarettes lately. I had the most difficult time of trying to get a pack these past few days. Every shop that I went seems to stop carrying it which is a bit strange since it is one of the more popular brands. I guess that this is one will be one more reason for me to finally stop smoking.

I started smoking at the age of 10 years old. At the time I would steal the occasional cigarette from my father’s stash and smoke somewhere far away from the house. My father would never notice that this because he kept a lot of cigarettes in the house. Other than the occasional puff, I didn’t really get into the habit until years later in secondary school. At the age of 15, I started to buy my own cigarettes out of my lunch money. Of course, going to a school that was an hour away from my house gave me a lot of opportunities to light up without anyone in my family knowing about it. Thanks to my reputation of being a straight-lace student and being the “dependable one”, I managed to fool quite a few people about my smoking habit. No one who knew me back then would ever thought that behind the nice boy façade, I was fast becoming a nicotine freak.

Things didn’t change once I got accepted into boarding school. I could always find ways to beat school rules to sneak the occasional fag. Of course, I seldom risk smoking on school grounds unlike some of my peers so I avoided the possibility of being caught red handed in school. At the time, I would only smoke when we were allowed to leave school grounds on our weekend outing. Even then, it would be at truly out of the way places that I was pretty sure that none of the students or faculty went to. There were some close calls that happened in the two years I was there but basically almost nobody knew that I smoked during my time there. Most of my mates were very quite shocked to see me smoking during the final exams week when everyone else was also doing the same thing.

Once I left school and started working at my first part-time job, I decided to tell my family about my smoking habit. My father was of course a bit disappointed with me but he didn’t really say much since he had set the earlier example himself. My mum, however, absolutely went through the roof when I told her. She even brought back pictures of lunch cancer victims she got from the hospital she worked to scare me into quitting. After awhile she gradually accepted the fact that I smoked and that it would be my own decision to decide to quit. She still occasionally throws dirty looks at me when she sees me light up though.

Looking back, I actually regretted taking up the habit so young. It is hard for me to quit smoking now. I don’t really know if I’m becoming addicted to nicotine or just the habit of lighting up a fag. I’ve tried to quit twice before but it never took. The last time I tried, it lasted for about 3 months and during that time I gained over 20 kilos in weight. I kept getting cravings the whole time I was trying not to smoke. I became really depressed at that time and decided that it was not worth it. It took me close to 7 years to lose all that weight!

I am now faced with the possibility of having to go through that experience all over again soon if they stop selling my cigarette brand. Hopefully I would be able to learn from my past mistakes and finally be successful in kicking the habit.